Letting it go....A journey in releasing the weight

Swimming at the Y

2011-09-19T21:09:00.000-04:00

So I've been working out since Saturday and I feel GREAT! Swam 4 laps in the pool and thought I was gonna die! Sheesh that is really hard to do LOL. I realized a lap is one swim down and back or else I would've called it 8 laps lol.

Swam Saturday, Worked out on the treadmill Sunday (BTW I Absolutely LOVE the TV's in the treadmill deal so cool), And today I relaxed in the pool after walking the treadmill for 30 minutes and getting on the rowing machine for 5 minutes. I don;t think I did the rowing machine right though lol.

Does anyone else notice how ravishingly hungry you are after swimming?!?! Geez I was starving after relaxing in the pool today, the kids were too.

The re-makings of a Gym Rat

2011-09-18T21:36:00.002-04:00

Back in 2006-2008 I was a gym bunny gym rat or whatever you wanna call it and I lost tons of weight. I have done it all outdoor running/wogging (walk/jogging). Skating (have the skates to prove it though I can barely stay up on them now..., Yoga (from Home), Tae Bo ( from home), Boot camp style workouts etc., and what i realize most is that home is my place of comfort it is not my springboard for working out, hence i start then I stop then I get lazy and never return to it.

Well back in August my son fractured a knee cap in foot ball during practice by stepping into a divet in the ground while practicing hitting drills with another player. His football season this year has ended because he has to heal. He was in a cast for 4-5 weeks and as of last Wed his cast was taken off and his knee cap is healed. But because he was in a cast with his leg straight he will need therapy and rehabbing to bend his knee again. The doctor suggested water walking to get it bending again so I went to the local YMCA and opened a family membership for 83.00 a month. They have an indoor and outdoor pool. Well heck if I'm spending this kinda money for a membership then I think I need to get my moneys worth. Yesterday I swam 8 laps (thought I would die whew what a workout!!!) and today I went and walked on the treadmill 30 minutes (that was a workout as well). I have not been active honestly since April so I know it will be hard this first week but I plan on being a workout diva pretty soon expecting pounds to fall off lol. Wish me luck!

New post

2011-09-08T18:11:00.001-04:00

I'm trying to get back into this. It was really theraputic for me.

I've had some serious spiritual revelations and my life has totally changed over the course of the past 2 years. MAJORLY lol.

Can;t go into it now but i will I promise. On to a lighter me I shall get there no matter what! It's going to happen.

Doing good and hanging

2009-08-18T10:03:00.003-04:00

Well I'm in chapter of my book Mindless Eating and it has some really good research on marketing and analysis and how it affects our Psyche when it comes to food. Good stuff.

I've been eating once a day and making the meal very protein rich and walking for about 45 minutes and continuing my yoga in the morning. Man that is really nice.... yoga i mean. you get a good stretch in and it energizes you. I'm on day 2 of yoga and I'm digging it. And it's VERY easy. I thought it would be really hard but it's not.

I got my daughters classes straightened out at school so she is going to her concert orchestra classes extra early in the mornings. She has to ride the high school bus to school. This causes me to wake up @ 5:30 to make sure that she is up. Since I'm already up I'll grab a cup of coffee read my bible and pray then do my yoga workout. I think I can eliminate alot of rushing and being tired from running when I get home from work by accomplishing some things in the morning. I washed clothes this morning and my daughter did the dishes this morn.

I was a little freaked out by my eating Sunday and yesterday i was kinda scared to eat something for fear of a huge gain but i measured my stomach and I've lost an inch off of my stomach can you believe it? I'm being concious of when I do digest anything if I'm feeling satisfied or full and I've noticed just today that if I stop once I'm satisfied there is no sluggishness and I can easily tell when I'm hungry again there is no question there. I bought a smoothie to work with me this morning. Usually I'd drink the whole thing in one whop. The bottle says that there are two servings. So I drunk some earlier and I noticed I was satisfied yet not full yet so I put it up and just now my throat and stomach were growling so I when back and got it and now I'm on the second serving. This is good. It helps me to determine and watch my intake. I'm liking this. Thanks Lord for helping me get it under control.

Flubbed it a lil today

2009-08-16T22:51:00.001-04:00

But I'm not going to beat myself up.

A friend invited us to Benihanna's for her birthday meal to celebrate. Well I got the times mixed up and we got there almost 2 hrs late and our seats were already occupied and I didn't want to sit at a completely different table around strangers so we just left and walked around downtown and seen a couple of sites. Thought of visiting a couple of restaurants but everything was just too pricey and we really didn't like the menu's so we hopped in the car and drove closer to home and stopped at an Applebees and ate. I got a loaded mashed potatoes and onion soup. They were yummy and I didn't feel like hurling right after to eating so I thought I'd done pretty good. Then i got home and ate 4 cups of jello and drank water all night.

Got up this morning and made breakfast for everyone but I didn't eat any, My stomach was a little on edge from the night before so I just had a cup of coffee and water. I think the creamer in my coffee makes my stomach do back flips I was in the restroom all day today. My son had a football game so we stood out in the blazing sun watching him play with me running back and forth to the restroom in 98 degree heat. Then we went to church and came home. I didn't feel like cooking so we stopped at skyline and I got a chili bowl loaded and a glass of water to drink. That worked out pretty well. I came home took a nap (heat was getting to me), then woke up and got last minute school supplies and fell into an old temptation that really I should've just avoided. Hubby was hungry and wanted some Mickey D's. I wasn't even REALLY that hungry I could've passed but NOOOO i had to get a chicken combo meal with a sweet tea. I was able to digest it fairly well, but i know that it's time to get on the workout and eating better wagon. I went to the library yesterday and I've picked up a book about mindless eating and teaching yourself how to eat all over again and pay attention to the packaging on stuff.

I also bought a book on yoga. I have been contemplating for years trying yoga. Not wanting to mix my christian beliefs with the spiritual positions of yoga but I've prayed long and hard about this and I really need to get my body back into shape and I'm not doing this as unto an idol I am doing this to realign myself back into the arms of Jesus and get my focus and my energy back. Posture improvement as well. So i look at the health and fitness benefits from it. I checked out a book on it and I got a VHS tape to follow that teaches it. I'm excited about learning it.

Kids start school tomorrow so I'm excited about that. Well I think that's really all I have to say right now about everything. I'm feeling horrible since I slipped up my energy is very lethargic right now so I can actually understand what people say about all of the chemicals put into certain foods and how it physically and affects the blood flow and things. I don't think I'll be eating at Mickey D's for a while. I'm trying to find what foods really work for me. I have come to this conclusion thus far..... Mickey D's is no longer on my list of places to eat, and I am no longer digesting lactose products because they do a number on my system. Pasta is limited to a very small amount IF I eat it, and breads are on hold until I can get whole grain taste together in my system.

I am living be some bariatric rules, 1. protein is my friend digest it 2. water water water 3. exercise to stay fit.

Well that's all for now. Until we meet again.

Transitioning to pureed foods mental state

2009-08-14T23:05:00.003-04:00

I've made it a note to write about the mental portion of changing my lifestyle to keep me accountable to myself in all of this.

So I've done clear liquids for 2 weeks with no solids, no dairy (except creamer in my coffee), and with no caffeine (besides morning cup of jo). Today is the day that I began to transition into pureed foods and such. I also had a mishap when my monthly visitor came around. I know this may be TMI to male readers (if I have ANY readers LOL), but I began to start having stomach cramps like you wouldn't believe. Like doubling over type of cramps and not menstrual but STOMACH Cramps. Anytime my hunger cravings would get terribly out of hand I'd picture children in starving countries and count myself lucky to live in a land and to be able to afford whatever junky crappy food I want to fill my body when there are starving children somewhere. Then the pep talk came in to suck it up and get over it and I'd quote my favorite mainstay scripture Proverbs 25:14 He that hath no control over his own spirit, is like a city that is broken down and without walls. I'd get some broth and heat up a hot cup of water satisfy my hunger pangs and keep it moving. But today was particularly unusual. Especially with my cramps and the hunger doubled up on top of a headache that I'd had all day.

So because I was moving to the next level of my diet I decided to go to the grocery store and get some new dietary meals to accomodate this next 2 weeks of my transistion into learning how to eat. I went and bought some good proteins such as tuna in water (3 cans), relish and mayo (for tuna salad, Some walgreens nutritional non-lactose, protein shakes, and some more jello. i also got a couple of smoothies and some sobe waters.

Went back to work to eat my lunch, made the tuna, ate two spoonfuls of it and felt like I would throw up instantly. For some reason I could smell all of the ingredients to the food before I could raise the spoon to my mouth and when I ate it just didn't taste good. So I'm really trying to figure out how this is going to work out. I've noticed that since yesterday (more TMI sorry guys) that my bowel movements have become a little more solid as well. AS opposed to the runny watery non substance of drinking clear liquids only. This actually scared me a little to be honest. I was wondering if after having 2 weeks of liquid movements and no change in dietary habits WHY would they go from watery to solid like that. But I have reasoned that maybe it's just because the monthly monster has shown her head. Who knows?

I plan on taking my exercise activity to the next level with incorporating the pureed foods into my diet. With the clear liquid only phase I would walk 3-4 times a week for 45-60 minutes. I think on top of the walking i am going to start back up my firm aerobics and tae bo tapes. I want to accomodate the calories that I will be increasing to create a caloric deficit that will then help me to lose weight. My total of weight lost so far is 23 lbs. This is in a 2 week period. I know that is drastic but honestly I am at a desperate time in my weight life and desperate times call for desperate measures. If I'd gotten bariatric surgery I'd be doing the same thing and losing tons more weight so I'll keep on keeping on where I am at.

So back to the mental aspect of my weightloss I thought long and hard about what foods I'd incorporate in this Phase 2 of my diet. Normally after such a huge loss I'd subconsciously find a way to sabotage my weight back up to the 23 lbs that I'd lost. Instead I thought with a clear mind and thought about what foods to incorporate and how they'd affect my body (lactose intolerant, soy reactions) and I made good choices. This is such a breakthrough for me mentally man. i intend to strive harder and farther to reach my goals and have God there leading me the whole way. I see the glimmer of Hope and I'm going from the " This just might work" mindset to the " This method IS working out and WILL be successful."

I can look at myself and actually recognize myself what a great thing to be able to say! Cause for quite a while here recently I haven't been able to.

Hopefully with me incorporating the Protein and the pureed foods into my diet I'll have more energy to exercise the way that I want to. We shall see. Lately my energy levels are definitely improving compared to 23 lbs ago but I could still use a kick in the rear on certain things. Well I guess that'll just be a part of the documentation. I think i like this phase of my writings because I know that no one is really reading and checking me out like they used to so i feel freer to write everything. The ups the Downs the TMI moments..... everything and just be me.

Okay well I guess I'm done documenting.

Until we meet again.... It's been real Love ya!

2 Years Later and I refuse to stop

2009-08-10T22:52:00.002-04:00

Hello there,

I'm not really sure if anyone still reads me or not but I am back. After a 2 year hiatus, an inspirational entry here and there sprinkled in between.

I contemplated writing this entry...................

Simply because I didn't know if I wanted to make this public anymore. Yanno the weightloss battle. But then I go back and I read so many encouraging comments even on my 2-4 year old posts and they really even to this day inspire me.

I gained every lb that I'd lost back and put on more. I don't know how it happened or when it occurred but one day I woke up 25 lbs higher than my highest weight. I could feel it in my back, I was out of breath just getting up to move from here to there. And I would think. How in the World did I get like this?

Wallow in depression and eat to make myself feel better. Then I'd feel horrible because I'd ate to myself feel better and what better way to smother those emotions than with more food? And the cycle continued. I couldn't fit an inkling of clothing that I had. All the way up to the 22's fitting rather tightly. I fit 24's comfortably and that told me something........ It was time to get off the rollercoaster.

Health problems are one of my biggest fears. I am lucky to have gotten to the weight that I am at and to have ONLY hypothyroid as a problem in my life and not a humongous one at that. I don't have diabetes, i don't have high blood pressure, high cholestorol, heart disease or any of that. Blessed to be a healthy fat.

So I kept struggling with facing my fears about it all. And amazingly enough I have started and ended at least 20 diet's within the last 3 years. And I have started exercising atleast 2-3 weeks straight out of every month for the past 3 years and still couldn't keep up with it.

I changed my profile pic because this was me in November of 2008. It is the closest representation of how much weight I'd gained. And believe me I have more embarrassing photos to boot. I have a husband that loves me dearly and I appreciate and love him so much for that. But i don't want to be just a pretty face. I want FOR ME to feel like I make him feel young again.
I know size has nothing to do with it and that he loves me. I'm doing this for me. I need to get my health back, my energy back, and my glow back. Just a little bit brighter for the world to see. i cannot minister and be unhealthy too.

The bible says to be in health even as your soul prospers. And lately I've kept in my spirit every time I get weak and want to cave in I say to myself. He that hath no control over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls (protection) Proverbs 25:14.

I will never be unprotected again. I have the protection first off of my Daddy God. But I need to be naturally equipped to handle life as it hits me as well.

So I've decided to do it. I'm on a bariatric diet. I didn't get the surgery but I am following the diet plan. That was my instruction in prayer. It also has equipped me to get back into the discipline of fasting when i pray. i have not successfully fasted since the last time I was healthy. That's been about 2-3 years.

I've been doing clear liquids for the first 2 weeks (14 Days), I am now moving into the thicker liquids for a week. Like carnation breakfast meal replacements or pureed foods that have protein, and fiber in them. I started the process with a 48 hour Acai berry Cleanse with Water Cayenne maple syrup and Acai berry. I was the most disgusting stuff I've ever tasted in my life but my face is clearing up very well.

I have not really been exercising hard as I don't have the fuel (solid food) that I need to sustain my hunger after a tough work out. i walk about 45 minutes 4 times a week but that's really it. I have lost 23 lbs in 7 days which I know is not exactly typical or the most sane of ways to do it. But i am desperate and determined to get this weight off. i have a 4-6 week plan.

believe me I am a pro and could probably be a licensed nutritionist if I actually followed the dietary guidelines that i know how to set oh so well for eating. I have failed so many times before but this time I am not failing. And I refuse to stop.

I have prayed to God about all of this and I know that I have to learn how to eat healthily all over again. I have to retrain my mind to eat with proper nutrition and not just " what I feel like eating", i have to retain my mentality to go from "living to eat" to "eating to live". I have to train my mentality when i go to eat delicious savory foods to marinate in the taste of food and savor ever bite slowly and enjoy the food, from eating up as much as I can because I'm soooo HONGRY and not tasting it until it's already been digested lol.

I noticed something that I was kind of ashamed of to admit but heck this is my blog I can write whatever i want. But this is what I noticed these last couple of weeks. I am a closet eater. I never acknowledged it before but I have identified it and now I see it. Before I re-started this journey whenever i was home alone (meaning no hubby no kids just me), I notice that I eat and eat and eat and eat until I feel sick. It's like I'm hoarding up food or something I have NO idea where this came from. It's not even eating out of boredom. I'd just eat it because it was there. It was like my mind felt like if I didn't eat it someone else would so I might as well get mines in while no one's here. And hubby would complain because he couldn't keep pop in the house cause I'd drink them like water. back to back to back.

Coming up in my house it was like that though. Every man for him/herself. My grandmother was a diabetic so we NEVER kept sweets in the house. My husband grew up spoiled rotten so he feels that we should ALWAYS have sweets in the house. I have to literally retrain my brain to look at food in a different way. I know that this is a mentality issue and like most people say weightloss is 80% mental 20% work. I'm working on the 80% mental and incorporating the work into it. But my embarrasing find (getting back to that) is that since I've went on this diet we have had SO MUCH leftover food in the house it's just astonishing. And I now know if I never did before that the food was disappearing quickly because of me. What a startling revelation right?

Well i think this weightloss chronicles will be different this time. Because I'm retraining my brain to think with a healthy mentality and to shed the Morbid Obesity mentality that I've had all my life even as a skinny teenager.

I don't know if I still have readers or not. But if I do I ask that you comment if you'd like or lurk whichever is easier for you. But I'm going to be as Christianly Candid as I know how because I'm going into the battlefield of the Mind to conquer this time around and I will be victorious.

Thanks for your eyes. Love ya!

I'm Still alive I promise

2007-05-01T20:37:00.000-04:00

For those of you that used to read me and hopefully still keep up with me on my OD entries (as that's where I've been posting as of late) God bless you. Star (Claritta) I know you stopped by to check on me a couple of times as did Sabs and neddie (love ya sis!).

The verdict is in. I have gained weight. Amazingly not from August my last entry, but the weight gain started in Feb 2007. I got a new job, a very very stressful new job and began the eating out everyday syndrome because I was too tired to cook, too tired to clean, too tired to workout. I mean seriously this job has taken it's toll on me mentally and physically as it is WAYYYYY more physical than my last job. Also I am the ONLY IT support for 3 plants in America which adds to the new job stresses. On top of the fact that I have hypothyroid and my iron levels spiked during that time period I managed to gain 30 lbs in 2.5 months. YIKES!

Well I am here to report that I am doing a little better. I am beginning to get a rhythm for the job and I am enforcing getting my workouts back in. Well not really workouts but mostly running. My kids joined the community track team and I took them to a practice and got a lil jealous at WATCHING everyone either run or get their walk on. So I went home and laced up and came back to the track and it's been all she wrote from there lol. I have to baby step my way back into the running game. Back in Jan. My LSD runs totaled about 6.1 miles for a PR of 01:22:29:39. Now I'm averaging 1-2.5 miles per run/walk. I've been drinking more water. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed 3 months with NO water. And that is the God's honest truth I drunk absolutely NO water and I NEVER ate home cooked meals. WOW.

Well I started back doing things a little healthier About 2 weeks ago and I'm down 2.7 lbs. I'll post my sticker up for losing this recent 30 lb gain and then continue on the mission. If there's one thing I can do it's set a goal and accomplish it. It may take days, months, and years but once I set my mind to something I always accomplish it.

I'm in the process of having my heart shown to me spiritually and I've uncovered some really interesting things. But I have more info on that in my OD diary http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D583986 (check me out whenever you get a chance). But one thing that God is really working with me on right now is using my kingdom authority over the issues in the earth. When I eat I pray against the spirit of gluttony and greed and self control and I'm doing okay but I need to enforce it more. I'm not on a special eating plan right now. I'm more or less eating vegetarian (except eggs and seafood), Lactose intolerant so I go nowhere near milk or dairy products, drinking more water as opposed to NONE, and moving more.

Life is more important than food

2006-08-15T13:04:00.000-04:00

In my times of temptation the Lord has begun to have me chant this to myself in faith.

Matthew 6:25 (Whole Chapter)
[ Do Not Worry ] "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. 'Is not life more important than food', and the body more important than clothes?

So that I might beat this flesh into submission. I refuse to be a food freak , and worrying about every minute every second of the day how I'm going to eat this and that. My days of food porn are over. For those of you that have been in the struggle of trying to lose weight or become healthier you know what I mean. For those of you that don't know what food porn is let me give you a small brief description.

Food Porn - The constant reference to delicacies that tingle the senses to lust after although it may not be good in nourishment for the body. Obssessing over these foods, can cause catastrophic impact. Resulting in Binges, expansion of body fat, hypertension, cholesterol, blood pressure, and water retention in the body. Dangerous for health and incriminating to the mind.

Well I am getting past that Food porn in the name of Jesus. And the when the temptation comes to eat something that I don't need that scripture always comes to me. Is not life more important than food? I'm not going to worry about what I'm going to eat or when I'm going to eat. If you read farther down in the scriptures on this particular one that i have above it says that there is no need to worry about what we should eat, or drink, or what we should wear because our father which is in heaven will provide for all of our needs. If he looks out for the grass in the fields and clothes them and feeds the sparrows of the air when they have no resting place so why should he not provide for us?

I live in a country that is overflowing with delicacies that some underprivileged or undernourished countries don't have access to.

The simple pleasure of soda pop, or oatmeal cream pies, or even Mcdonald's, Wendy's, Diary Queen, or the wonderful KFC. These are seriously signs of wealth in our nation that we as Americans have come to abuse. No longer do we use these places as treats or rewards to whatever accomplishments we have they have become a part of everyday life. And as a part of everyday life they turn us into gluttons. Making our stomach's our god's instead of the one true GOD that can provide for us. I read this in the bible too (it's funny how people discredit the bible for so much but the bible touches every single subject and situation known to man with a solution, including overeating and obesity.) The reference to our stomachs beijng made into idol god's is under

Phillipians 3:19 :
Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

These are a couple of scriptures that God has given me over the past 2 years concerning my weightloss and there are more. They are beginning to illuminate to me while in the midst of this consecration. I thank God for just being able to understand these scriptures and apply them to my own life. And show them to others so that they can understand them too. Learning my hunger and full signals and realizing that food and drink quite simply is just fuel. Fuel to keep our organs working and healthy. Thought I'd relay the message to you all as well. Hopefully it is food for thought.

Self Sabotage 08/04/06

2006-08-04T10:16:00.000-04:00

As I reflect on this weight loss journey and as God gives me introspect on my life during this consecration I am beginning to understand the root of my self sabotage. I have stated many times in other forums and in my blogs I have become slave and victim to self sabotage. I can even recognize it WHILE it’s in operation. Now let me explain this to you. What I mean is I will be a part of a regimen that either I have put in place or just following along with a program that yields the best results for me ex: Weight Watchers, or the Weigh Down Diet. Once I get to a new low I feel great, but then I began to eat the weight back on. And I maintain. My Body is wonderful at maintaining. And naturally maintaining at that. I kept wondering why why why do I do this to myself?

Today I was going to the restroom and to the water cooler to refill my 32 oz water bottle and I was praying and communing. And I wanted to make sure in my mind that this fast that I am partaking in is not a fast to lose weight but a fast in humbling myself before the Lord and allowing my own will to be burnt upon the altar of sacrifice and allowing myself to be molded and made into the pattern that God wants me to be made into. This whole thing is a self humbling and transformation experience for me. But I know that with all of this will come weight loss. And I’ve already determined that weight loss is not the goal it’s about spiritual enrichment and learning about my purpose and self discipline. I don’t know how long this consecration will last but God is showing me that it’s going to be longer than I think.

And I thought about the lowest weight that I’ve been at since I have been trying to lose weight. Which has been 237 lbs. I was holding steady at 242 and I lost a considerable amount of weight. An amount that I could be proud of and see progress in. But instantly I ate all the weight back on plus some more and maintained at that weight. So my thing was now I know that I will lose weight so I’m already planning out how I will fast which will include juicing towards the end of the fast to prepare me to began eating solid raw proportionate foods. And I think where does this self sabotage come from?

And I figured it out! It sounds stupid but I don’t think my body likes feeling lighter. Like I’ve gotten used to the amount that I’ve already lost but when I hit the 230’s my body begins to feel significantly lighter. And I think in my mind it makes me subconsciously tell my mind that I am weak. And I don’t like feeling weak. As I thought about this my pondering led to this, “Well if I’m feeling weak at 230 something good Lord what am I going to do when I get to my goal weight of 150lbs?!?!” But now that I recognize that self sabotage talk I know that feeling lighter does not mean being weaker! I can gain strength and get used to feeling lighter but I have to catch the self sabotage before it gets me to give in. Well I am going to go on and when I get past the 230’s I am determined to keep going. Well thanks for lending me your ear. On to the consecration.

RECAP July 06, 2004 Explaining July 4th

2006-08-04T10:07:00.000-04:00

4th of July
Thursday, July 06, 2006

July fourth was really nice. The kids spent the night at one of our brothers at church's house with his kids so we had the house to ourselves. We got up in the morning to do some window shopping for my DH's ordination this Saturday. He will become a deacon. I will become a deacon's wife. cool. I'm really excited about it. We have a conference that we are hosting right now so as usual I won't be writing much until it most likely is over. ( I apologize to those that I couldn't tell of the ordination for my DH because we were given short notice and alot of you guys are already going through you own things to be worrying about us. We know that we have your well wishes in mind)

Well we went to window shop for our outfits then we went and picked up the kids which weren't even dress at 1:00pm lol they were running around playing. SO after they got dressed we went up to my Uncles house because he was hosting the bbq. Coming off of the highway someone rear ended us. But there was no damage to our car the driver at fault's bumper was messed up though. Well I called the police and he said because no one was hurt and we exchanged ins. info they didn't need to come out. MY bootleg ins. company was closed so I filed my claim yesterday. When the car hit us they hit us pretty hard and we were all cool that day but lately my neck and back have been kinda tight and so has dh's.

****edited for updates********
Anyhoo we ate good over my uncles house and watched Madea goes to jail which was hilarious. Sat around for a little while until everyone started getting drunk. I can't stand to watch people act stupid so we left and went to a friends house and I let the kids go swimming with her kids while Dh and her Dh played some pool and playstation. It was a very relaxing and needed day.
Quick update on the car accident. Saturday evening I went to the hospital because of pain in my back it was unbearable. I went into emergency and got checked out and the doctor says he thinks my muscles are just bruised from the impact of the wreck so he gave me a prescription for some muscle relaxers and some pain killers to help with the discomfort. They told me to put warm compress on my back for about 30 minutes a day. If I still have problems follow up with my doctor. Well I though today would be better but I think the medicine that i took from yesterday has just now worn off because I am having slight pains again. I hope this goes away I don't want to have any back problems. Oh well I'm putting it in Jesus Hands.

Recap ALL is well on June 07, 2006

2006-08-04T10:03:00.000-04:00

all is well
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Hey Guys,

All is as well as can be expected. I'm doing fine I''ve just been unable to get on due to work constraints and training folks ans since I have no service at home the only time I can login and do anything is in spare time and by then I really don't have time or energy to write an entry. But please no I do login from time to time read you guys and check my notes.

Weight is so so. I got down to 237 then after memorial day yoyoed right back up to 245 so is as I'm stuck right now. We're down to one car and gas is too much to go to the gym, AND pick everyone up from work, drop off and do extracurriculart activities like cheerleading, baseball and no. 1 priority church. I'm pooped by the end of the day lately. Good news is I can now get into the 16's that was my goal for the summer. Amazingly how I can get into them when I've gained weight is beyond me but to God be the glory!

Marriage is marriage you know how when you pray you ask God to show you yourself? well I did that and God is making and molding me and I am starting to break through a real ugly side of myself through GOd and God alone. IT's not an easy feat at all as a matter of fact it is the hardest thing I've ever done seriously.
Okay gotta go back and train I'll update later. THERE IS MORE.......

Okay I'm back. I am going through transformation because I see that I can't go any farther until I deal with this issue. It is effecting my relationship and it has to be rooted in order for me to be effective in my ministry. As I said before it;s a very hard and humbling process so I'm gonna stay like a little baby and have the holy spirit guide me through this cause there is no way I can do it by myself. i thank my 1st lady so much for allowing me to talk to her. I didn't want to share it with her at first out of fear but I'm glad I finally did because it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders just talking about it and getting it out. something simple that I was inadvertantly doing to shut people down. now in the process of healing and breaking through this stronghold I am exposing it so that it will not be so toxic to me. It's not comfortable at all but I thank God for baby steps lol. Yall keep me lifted as I will definitely do the same for you.

I really need to get back into the gym and get it together but like I said financial situations sharing one car will put that on hold for a minute so I'm going to do what God tells me to do and get back on track that way. The kids are doing good healthy as little oxes lol. my job is downsizing due to outsourcing but my position is still in tact....for now anyways and I see that I need to get on top of getting my technical certs to build up my resume just incase so as you can imagine things have been crazy around here. I have an A+ certification retest that I will be taking this friday so yall definitely keep me in your prayers.

Updates on my laziness to post in here

2006-08-04T09:52:00.000-04:00

I sincerely apologize to you all that have read me and keep on my about posting. I have another Blog that I have been posting more so about spiritual progress moreso than weight or hair. I haven't been as obssessed with all of that lately but I haven't given up or anything. There was a slight gain but it's coming down. I will post some of my blogs from the other site that I blog at to give you a feel for how my weightloss has been coming so beware there will be alot to catch up on lol. But know that you support is really appreciated and I will try to better stay on top of things.

God Bless Yall
Love ya!
MrsDawsondn

I can finally post YAYYYYY!!!

2006-05-06T13:46:00.000-04:00

Wow I missed you guys something terrible.

I have been doing pretty good as far as weightloss I am a little intimidated to get back on the scale because it sorely dissapoints me but I have been getting weightloss compliments and my clothes are fitting looser so that's a plus. I have been consistent with working out and my eating is okay so I can't complain. I have basically put my life and carnal desires to the side lately and walking closer with the Lord and I am benefitting greatly from it.

My Dh FINALLY got hired on at the job that he was temping at for a year uuuggghh. My kids are doing good in school and Little Quincy is playing baseball lexy is in tumbling and dance classes until cheerleading starts back up. I wanna keep them active and making friends and getting a chance to be kids for as long as I can. Trying to allow them to hold on to their youth before they get the urge to wanna smell themselves and as you all know it's a new day and age and these kids are smelling themselves at a very much younger age so I just want them to stay kids while they have a chance.

I'm slowly working on getting my bills current and getting the collections stuff paid off as well as showing excellent stewardship in my life no matter what the circumstance thank you Jesus! I prayed for Financial discipline in the beginning of the year and it is coming to pass And I am believing God to help me to lose the final 40 lbs this year to make to a 100 lb loss mark by the end of this year. The clean freak 'thing' is still a work in progress. I'm getting there ppl lol. I'm glad I finally got a chance to check up and read you guys because I love yall and be prayin for yall.

And just a quick update of what I've saved as my screensaver on my computer to put a smile on my face :

Don't they just look so adorable and sweet? lol

03/31/06

2006-03-31T12:39:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys I’m still here I am doing great!! I feel good and I'm blessed to be saved my the blood of Jesus and have a relationship with the lover of my soul. God is so awesome. I am currently in the middle of a 40 day consecration and God is showing me and teaching me so many things and I can hear him clearly I love that aspect of fasting.

My only downfall is the eating I'm used to being on a schedule and I'm now eating after a certain time of day and it's killing me I have gained like 2 or 3 lbs I'm at 247 right now but I'm still working out and getting a handle on my eating and I'm doing much better than last week's epsiodes LOL. I'm on the low end of size 18 clothes and it's just amazing to me how much the price drops and how many pieces of clothing you can find for a decent price. Yesterday I went to walmart and found a bra in a 38D for $5.88 I mean I cannot recall the last time I spent under 12.00 for a bra! I got happy about that one. I was praising the Lord LOL. I went from a 42DD to a 38D so I'm happy. My waist so far has went from 51 inches to 38 inches so praise the Lord!!!

I'm just praising God and sitting at his feet for whatever he has instore for me. I have realized finally what it is that God has called me to and I'm going about learning about that. I knew he called me back in July and it was confirmed in October but I didn't want to accept the reality of what ministry it was that he called me to. But I have seen it manifest and I now know I have to walk in it because I'm accountable to it now. So for the time being I'm just focusing on that.
Thanks for stopping by *waving*

Oh how I really missededed you guys!!!

2006-03-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to let you all know that I am excellent. There is nothing wrong I am just terrible with updating as I stated before please be patient with me lol.

Lately within my life I am going through some transistions spiritually and therefore it’s causing a lot of my personal appetites (namely internet) to be put on the back burner. I am still working out and getting stronger. I am still wearing my hair naturally and though I have been having some standstill and downright frustrating moments with it, I’m still keeping it nappy J.

As far as the kids, Lexy is now taking some tumbling classes for her cheerleading and boy oh boy is that a sight to see. That girl tickles me pink with her cute self lol. She is doing great in school we were having some rough spots with the attitudes in class but that was concerning her little friends that don’t wanna be friends but then they do wanna be friends and blah blah blah lol (oh to be an elementary kid again). Lexy is increasingly gaining interest in prayer. When we have intercessory prayer in church and also when I pray at home she is very interested in the prayers and so I’m praying to see whether God wants me to begin teaching her anything about that yet. She’s been called to be a prayer warrior, God revealed that to me a couple of years ago but I know that she will know when he wants her to know.

Little Quincy is preparing for baseball season and excelling like crazy in his classes. I may possibly have him tested to move up a grade next year once I see how he copes with 1st grade because his reading and math levels are at a 2nd grade level and he is in Kindergarten!! He and Lexy have their own kiddie Bibles and he is reading his everyday and just learning those big words with no problems. Even in my Sunday school class that I teach he is now in my class because he turned six and he is keeping up if not excelling others in the reading portions which I thank God for. He has an incredible thirst for knowledge so I’m praying for God to keep that in his life.

Big Quincy is growing by leaps and bounds I love my baby (that’s my big baby). He is going through some trials with his job but he already recognizes what that is spiritually so he’s not taking it personally at all. We know that we are growing spiritually and for every level of faith that we reach there will be some obstacles to overcome whether it be battling with our flesh or problems that have presented as temptations by the devil that are trying to cause us to sin it is already defeated in the name of Jesus.

Me…well I have been doing pretty good…excellent as a matter of fact. My weight is going through it’s plateau stage again but now that I’ve found the complete root of my problem I’m working to fix that. I’m still working out and running my butt off literally it’s just the eating part that I’ve completely botched lately. I am now going back to drinking my water and I am eating more veggies. I had stopped doing that consistently all through the month of February and stayed at a stand still. My clothing sizes are now to the lower end of a size so woohoo for that. I plan on being in a 16 by the time June rolls around it would be excellent if I could be in a 14 by then but I’m taking my goals one day at a time. Spiritually I am learning to saturate myself in the Word of God because the Lord is my strength and when I have his promises embedded in my heart and soul I simply cannot sin against him. I am learning to live a lifestyle of intercession. One of my sisters in church said that to me one day while we were discussing prayer and that really stuck out to me. Intercession is a lifestyle, just like Holiness is a lifestyle. It’s not just something that I do I want to live it. I realize that making something a habit is a challenge… so making something a lifestyle is even more of a challenge but I feel in order to walk in what God has called me to, I can no longer be selfish. I want to please God in all that I do so that I can reap the benefits of his glory and anointing. I want the favor of the Lord to exist in my life, because when I have the favor of the Lord in my life then there is no obstacles that can block my progress in him. I’ve been whining and having my fits about me, me, me for long enough. It’s time to be what God has called me to be and be effective while doing it. I want to see miracles, signs and wonders from the Lord in this day and age with my own two eyes. A couple of scriptures that I am feasting on as of yet are these:

Romans 12:2
Be not conformed to the ways of this world but rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good and pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 13:14
Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature (flesh).

Over the next 30 days I am in consecration, I’ve already been there for 10 days, but during this time I will be really tuning in and focusing on divine instruction, revelation, and growth for my spirit man so you might or might not see my commenting or visiting some of the websites that I normally visit. I just want you all to know that I still love you and I have not forgotten about any of you. Thank you so much for checking up on me and asking where I have been. That shows me that you really care for me and that I was on your mind. That is a wonderful feeling. I’m keeping all of me readers lifted in prayer and I hope that you all do the same with me.

Well until we meet again or I have more to say God bless you and always remember:

Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred. -W M TAYLOR

Planning my work, and working my plan

2006-02-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys,

I'm still here and I'm kicking it strong. This free 8 week pass to Bally's has me seriously contemplating getting a membership and with the results that I am seeing. There are some really good things that I am starting to analyze and appreciate about this particular bally's what I work out at. I usually get up about 4:45AM get dressed pray then head out the door and get to the gym at about 5:30Am after stopping to pick up my aunt. I get there and it's nice to see that usually the same ppl are there in the mornings for the most part the trainers are not pushy in no way shape or form and they don't try to pressure you into getting a membership. There is onsite daycare for when I come out on Saturdays and my kids love the daycare center so much most times they don't wanna leave when I pick them up to leave. That is a VERY good sign in my book. It's in a convenient location and it's actually open before all other gyms are open. everything is pretty much spaced out as opposed to bunched together like some other gyms that I have visited. And the people that workout their are kind of like in a family atmosphere and the locker rooms are really cool you have your own space and don't have to worry about being crowded.

All that being said I have managed to lose 2 inches off of my stomach and I've lost a total of 7.4lbs since the beginning of January, 230's here I come ;).

my face is shrinking and here is an updated photo of me lol.

God bless yall! Take care!

Good News

2006-01-25T08:22:00.000-05:00

My wedding ring was found!!!

Hallelujah, Praise the LORD!!!!

I am going to take back the band that I bought and get my money back and buy some new runners with that money ;) .My other runners are about through lol. I had some slight knee aches the last time I ran and I've had these shoes for over a year so it's about time for some new ones.

Oh I also have another shoe victory! My feet are shrinking. Praise the Lord! I didn't know that you can lose weight in your feet honest to God! I have a pair of the cutest Brown and beige pumps that have a cute little brown shoesstring-like tie up in the front. They are a size 11M. I have never had any problems with this shoe. Well today I'm justa sliding all around in these heals. I feel like a little girl wearing her mommy's shoes lol. I fluctuate between a 10.5 M-11M every once and a while but I notice that nowadays the 10's are starting to fit extremely comfortable. I praise God for that victory yall. Cause I am a shoe shopper and it's hard to find cute shoes in 11's and 12's if the make is narrow and I want the shoe anyhow lol. I'm just amazed at how my body is changing. I'm lifting weights and sculpting body parts and sticking to the cardio and I can definitely see the benefits. Praise God for Discipline!

Non scale victory

2006-01-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

I have great news to report.

Ofcourse I did let you guys know about me losing my wedding band because I am losing weight and I was a little distraught about that but oh well. Well I started feeling a little naked without my ring and so I decided that I would just go to kmart or walmart and grab another band. Well i went to KMART to get another ring and I thought that maybe I might be able to go down one size but I wanted to make sure that I could fit the ring.
My wedding ring and band were size 10's since the day that I bought them. In essence it was actually pretty embarrassing because my hands and my hubby's ring sizes were the exact same.

Well I went to try on rings to get for my finger and guess what size I was able to get.
******drumroll please******

A size 7

How awesome is that? I haven't worn a size 7 since I don't know how long seriously I honestly can't remember the last time I've worn a 7 at all. Thank you Jesus for small victories. If only my feet could get smaller then we'd really be on a roll. I feel like a girl again!!!! No more boy sizes for me. Also check this out guys. This past weekend I decided that I needed some more running pants to jump on the treadmill with because I only had one pair that were yoga pants and they were a bit too tights lol. Imagine a big girl running on a treadmill in yoga pants lol okay now stop imagining haha. Well I decided on a pair of xl pants and as I held them up I kept thinking to myself like. These may be too tight fitting or small. then I came across a size 2x and i took both pairs to the counter with me then rethought it and decided on the xl's. I got home and began to dreaed putting them on and ya know what? Not only did I have some breathing room they actually fit me quite comfortably :D. Also my over sized shirts are just starting to get in the way when working out so I may go ahead and try out wearing my cool max tees to run in. I wore one this morning and thankfully the shirts weren't riding up my back hallelujah!!! I'm sigining up for a 5k in a couple of weeks. so wish me luck yall.

God bless yall that support me beyond measure.

Ups and Downs and we go Round and Round

2006-01-17T16:03:00.000-05:00

I was doing and am still doing exceptionally good but I had a gain. Big Whoop I'm not shocked and I'm not upset. IT was a +2.6lb gain. The funny thing about it is I knew it was going to happen. You see it just so happens that my Pastor called out a mandatory fast for the week last week. I normally will only fast when there is a REASON to fast. I don;t have a spirit of rebellion don't get me wrong I just have to know the spiritual PURPOSE behind the fast. FOr more insight on that please read Isaish 58:2-8. Anyways I decided that I was going to join in on the fast although I was not mentally or physically prepared for it. I completed the consecration but the inevitable began to happen as soon as the whole cycle ended. BINGEING. uughhhh splat spew for a better choice in words. This is the exact reason why I don't consecrate until my mind body and spirit are prepared. I know excuses excuses but even in the midst of it all my gain wasn't too excessive, I'm still exercising, and my water intake is amazing so all is well.

There was only one problem today while at work I somehow made the mistake of losing my wedding ring. Okay I have not paniced yet.....well okay maybe a little bit because I know that DH is going to have a cow. 3 years ago I lost a bunch of weight and while driving home one day liesurely letting my hand hang out the window to get some air my wedding ring fell off and I never found it. Sad but true. And all I had to hang on to was my band. A plain gold band. And somehow somewhere today I managed to lose it. It was very loose on my finger but I'm just surprised at how the ring just disappeared. I have no idea when the ring disappeared I just know it's not on my finger and I can't find it. There are some great ppl here on my job that are helping me look for it so hopefully it turns up somewhere soon. I've had a gracious divorced coworker offer to give me her ring because she doesn't wear it anymore and she knows how expensive they are to replace she's such a sweetheart but I'm gonna keep searching for it first.

The bad thing about it is this though. I have had all kinds of junk put on my desk eating wise as far as rewards for job well done and such and I am not gonna lie I have been grubbing. Okay the madness has been put to an end but I have to get this under control for the rest of the week and beyond!!! I have come too far to turn back now and I'm sticking to my goals. I plan on being a big loser and I'm determined it'll stay that way.

In the meantime..... Yall pray I find my band okay? Thanks and God bless you **hugs**

Oh Bliss Oh Joy The Plateau is broken

2006-01-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

The cursed 250's plateau is broken and I am steam rollin over the adversary. I have officially weighed in at 244.8 lbs which is 6.8 lbs down from last weeks 251.6 which also was caused by TOM. But I can honestly say even with TOM hanging around I still stayed OP and drank my water daily as well as getting exercise in and the WAR bag was prepared.

I'm excited and looking forward to more loss. I am steadfastly working on not self sabotaging when there is a big loss. Somehow I have been managing to do that but a while ago I actually found out the root to by overeating I blogged about it a while back. Well since I could identify my triggers I have actually worked towards avoiding and overcoming them. I think all may be alright with the world nowadays as far as my weight is concerned. ANd I give God all glory for showing me how and guiding me into doing this.

It's funny because yesterday when I got home from work my DH and I pulled up at the same time and as I was getting out He looked and me and tilted his head to the side and said, " dang I had to do a double take cause I was looking like I know that is Nikki getting out the car man she looks skinny." OKay so I blushed and it tickled me but I honestly thought he was messing with me just to make me laugh or feel good so I didn't really take it seriously. Then I went to my daughter cheerleading clinics and I ran into a member from my old church and as she came in I spoke to her and she spoke but I could tell she wasn't really paying attention to who I was and she had a look like she didn't even know who I was. Well, wouldn't you know we sat through the whole practice and after practice was over I was getting little Quincy and LExy dressed in their coats and she just stopped in her tracks and looked. Then she said, " NIkki?!?!? Oh my God girl I didn't even know that was you! You have lost so much weight honey you really look good, what have you been doing?" Okay so my whole day was really made better just by that one incident. I am telling yall it felt good. I came home and told DH and he was like, " Oh so when I said it you thought I was lying see you never take me seriously" then he chuckled to himself and went on about his business and then I had to explain to him that it's not that I didn;t believe him but he sees me everyday so even though he sees the weight come off it's really like a reaffirming when someone you haven't seen in months comments like that. He understood we laughed about it and went on with our day.
Then this morning while getting in our walk/jog I was telling my aunt about it and she completely understood. Then she told me that my other aunt (her sister) were talking the other day and my aunt was raving about how good I looked and how I've been doing good losing the weight, I was shocked that she even noticed cause she's never really said much to me about it. But I'm happy that all is well. My health is in good shape and it just feels good to have someone tell me to keep going. I'm so inspired I think I am just going to compliment someone so that they can feel as good as I do today.

God bless yall

Start Over

2006-01-06T15:08:00.000-05:00

START OVER

When you've trusted God and walked his way
When you've felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way ...
Start over.

When you've made your plans and they've gone awry
When you've tried your best and there's no more try
When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ...
Start over.

When you've told your friends what you plan to do
When you've trusted them and they didn't come through
And you're all alone and it's up to you ...
Start over.

When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone
When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along ...
Start over.

When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will
When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ...
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ...
Start over.

When you think you're finished and want to quit
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you've tried and tried to get out of it ...
Start over.

When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you're feeling blue
God gives a January just for you ...
Start over.

Starting over means "Victories Won"
Starting over means "A Race Well Run"
Starting over means "God's Will Done"
Don't just sit there ..............

START OVER

by Woodrow Kroll of "Back to the Bible"

_________________________________________________________________

Updates on my Weight

I am doing well been exercising and eating right and journaling and tracking my points regularly so I'm pretty excited about the next weigh in. I know how I tend to get on the weekends so I am praying for discipline and I have made a promise to myself to journal this weekend no matter what. I see during the week I am pretty much on top of my eating journaling and exercising but it's on those two pesky relax days that I can't keep going. But me even posting this is mentally reminding me to stay the course and to stay on track. Please pray for a sista to keep it in control on that one.

Update on Life, love, and family

All is well in these neck of the woods. No drama at home no drama on the job, no drama in life so I'm happy. I did have one mishap with the baby daddy drama but whatever it's open and close case. Either you pay child support or you pay the consequences anyhoo that's his problem and not mines. Kids are doing great in school. DH is doing grreat on the job and will be enrolling in some classes to help him get some better jobs in the industry that he's working in. I'm really happy about that. I know that God is iin control and I'm just thanking him and adoring him and in awe of him at all times. He is really WORTHY to be PRAISED!!!! Thank you JESUS.

Well that's the gist of my life right now.........

God bless yall.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!

2006-01-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

Hello there lovlies and Happy Happy Happy New Years!!!!!

God has really shown himself alive in 2005 and God is gonna perform a switch in 2006!

I thank God for all that he has given me to reflect upon in my life over this past year. I've had my ups and my downs but I'm still holding on. Jesus has helped and guided me 200% of the way through this years struggles and BOY have I had some struggles. But I'm convinced that my current situation will indeeed be switched and fixed in 2006.

I don't really have new years resolutions but I do pray for certain things to take place and watch God work those things out.

Last year my prayer requests to the Lord were:
To Help me Lose Weight
To help DH get a job since he'd been laid off
Spiritual growth

God has allowed all three of my request directly to him to be granted. My DH has a job though it's a contractor job it is a JOB, I have lost weight in 2005, and my spiritual journey with the Lord has grown by leaps in bounds So I praise God for that!

As for 2006 My request to the Lord in prayer will be made and at the end of the year I will reflect upon what God has already done.

As far as goals that I am setting for myself in the now and checking results in the future is that I WILL:
Become the clean freak that I've always desired to be lol
Run a 10k this year in less than 65 minutes
Get Certs. for advancement in the workplace

As far as updates over this past weekend. I went out of town for New Years Eve for the watchnight services that our Apostle was having in Douglasville, GA. It was a very nice service.
**********************************************************************************

As I reflect upon my eating I can honestly say that I did NOT journal BUT I did alot better with eating had I not been concious of my efforts to lose weight. Tomorrow is WI day and I know that there will be a gain BUT I'm okay with that. It's on to bigger and better things. I am determined to believe that this journey is not as hard as I make it out to be. It's funny when I lost the first 20-30 lbs of weight in the beginning it's like the pounds came off just from small changes that weren't too drastic. But when I hit the 50lb lost mark it's like it's been a constant struggle! I can maintain at this weight very well. I've been plateaued for since May 2005 with weights between 255-250. As I look back upon my life i was actually stuck at around 250 for a long time though before I began to gain more. As a matter of fact 250 was my normal weight for quite some time so maybe that is why it's so hard for my body to let go of that weigh at this stage?? I dunno I'm just guessing on this one but I am determined to lost this weight. I have finally made it to comfortably fitting into my size 18's and 1x-2x shirts and by the summertime I atleast want to be in a 14-16 in clothes. I know it's a goal but it can be reached!d.

The Firm's Tough Tape 2, Oh my aching Buttocks!!!!!

2005-12-28T09:57:00.000-05:00

IF there is anyone out there looking for a tough workout to amp up your cardio and weight training try this out. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005T336/104-0135804-4319176?v=glance

It's a 45 minute nonstop workout that works both upper body and lower body and abdominals and Ohhh BABY is it tough. I can honestly say that this tape is by far one of the hardest workouts I;ve ever had.

My glutes(butt) and Thighs are still on fiyah and I did the workout 2 days ago. But ofcourse me being the competitive little soul that I am loves a challenge so I'm gonna work this tough tape workout until it's easy and cheesy for me. I'll continue to think results and slim my body in the process.

I thought I'd give reviews for you all out there looking for a "challenging" workout and need to kick up the fiyah and switch it up. It's on sale on Amazon for $0.25!

Day after Christmas

2005-12-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

Hey guys,

Okay I actually stayed OP for Christmas yaaayyyyyy *does happy dance*
Now I have to stay focused the rest of this week. Leftovers are no joke. Now I'm trying out a new workout the tough tape 2 vhs tape from my FIRMS set. Pray for me yall.

100 Reasons to lose weight.

2005-12-23T12:06:00.000-05:00

Okay so I stole this one so what!!!! LOL I love it nonetheless Whoever wrote this on alot of the reasons they read my mind:

To not shop at a ‘fat’ store
To not be the fattest Mom at school.
I don’t want to avoid mirrors.
I don’t want think that everyone wonders why my hubby is with the fat woman.
I don’t want my lap to disappear when I sit down.
I want to wear a bikini.
I don’t want to be the biggest girl on the block.
I want to go into Victoria Secret and not get dirty looks.
To not be embarrassed about my size.
I don’t want diabetes.
I want to tuck in my shirts
I want pants with snaps and zippers, and not elastic.
I don’t want to feel guilty about eating in front of others.
I don’t want my thighs to chafe when I wear a dress.
I want to carry my three year old without running out of breath or strength
To not get out of breath during sex.
To not hear the swish of panty hose No control top hose
To get up gracefully from the floor/couch/chair
To get ready for church without trying on 3 outfits
To not feel like an Amazon around DH/SO’s family
I want to be more than ‘you have a pretty face'
I want to dance, and not feel like the pink elephant in Fantasia
To skip the diet section at the bookstore.
I want to feel sexy
I want my fat clothes to fall off.
For people I haven’t seen in a long time, to not recognize me.
For people to stop assuming I’m a great cook, just because I’m fat
I want matching undies
To not wear Q size hose
To have all of my rings sized down
To not waddle when I walk
To be able to bend over to pick up something, not squat
To polish my toenails without looking like a contortionist
To sit in a chair, with my knees bent to my chin, and arms wrapped around my legs
To not have people ask me when I’m due
To not wake up with a back ache
To buy clothes bargains for the next year, and they fit
For my mother to stop calling me fat
To wear knee socks correctly
For my kids and hubby to be able to wrap their arms around me
To not have to worry about fitting in lawn furniture
To have stretch marks from pregnancy, not food weight gain
To not avoid having my picture taken
To shave/wax bikini area without having to move things out of the way
To wrap up in a bath towel, and have skin not show
I want my tummy to stop ‘smiling’ at me
I want one chin
I want a little black dress
I want to run more than 4 strides
I don’t want my tummy to flop when I run
I want to go braless with pride
I want to share clothes with my daughters when they are teens
I want to ride on a teeter totter with my hubby, and have my side actually go down
I want to sit on my DH/SO’s lap
I want to go on an amusement park ride, without checking the weight limit first
I want to see my collarbone
I want my cheekbones back
I want to go sleeveless
I want to weigh less than my DH/SO
I want to wear a button down the front shirt, with no safety pins
I want to enjoy clothes shopping
I want guys to check me out
To climb the false rock wall at Galayans
I want people to wonder why on Earth I’m at a Weight Watchers meeting
I want a 50 pound certificate from WW
I want a 100 pound certificate from WW
I want my seat belt to fit comfortably
I don’t want to crave sweets anymore
I don’t want to rely on food to ease my moods
I don’t want to eat when I’m bored
I want the rest of my body (hair/skin/nails) to reflect how healthy I am
I don’t want to be too heavy for high heels
I don’t want to be a couch potato
I want to wear a mini skirt
I want to wear thongs
I want to be able to wear DH/SO’s shirts
I don’t want my sides to hurt from lying on them at night
I don’t want my upper arms to wave when I wave
I want to see my muscles
I want to run the mini marathon
I want to run a marathon
I want to enter a wet T-shirt/hot legs contest~ or at least look like I could
I want people to say I look too thin
I want people to think I wear a size smaller than I do
I want to wear belts
I want a cute belly button
I want to wear low-rider jeans
I want to be able to see my hip bones
I don’t want cellulite
I want a flat tummy
I don’t want family to be afraid to buy me clothes as gifts
I want to DH to be jealous of male attention I get
I want to seen for how I look (just once) before anything else
I want to be spontaneous about having fun, and not worry about how I look
I want a smooth back , with no ‘bra fat’
I want my neck to look lean, with no rolls
I want a closet full of clothes that I can wear
I want to have beaten this challenge
I want to NEVER forget where I came from

I LOVE THIS hey a girl can dream can't she? lol

AHA Moments

2005-12-22T20:21:00.000-05:00

WOW you guys I have something really personal to share and what they happen to be are some AHA moments that caused me to get serious and stay determinded to lose this weight. I have a picture that I have never posted jut out of sheer embarrassment but I feel now is the time to post it. This picture was my turning point. I didn't even recognize myself when I got this picture.

My aha moment straw that broke the camels back was in a doctors office when i was told that I was in the baby stages of Diabetes and I have Hypothyroidism and I am anemic. When the doctor told me that I flashed back to my grandmother would died because of diabetes and How she had to take insulin shots every single day and would run out of spots to take shots and stick herself over and over again, and taking tons of medicine and dialysis, losing eyesight, and amputated body parts. I just broke down. I was thinking. I am too young to have diabetes. I was 26 then. My doctor told me that because the diabetes was in the baby stages I could prevent it with weightloss and I got serious about losing weight then. I went back to the doctor 6 months later and there were no signs of diabetes praise God I had lost like 30 lbs in 6 months I went from 305 to 270 and all traces of high insulin levels were gone. My anemia had been severly reduced and to this day I only have to take my chromagen pills when TOm arrives. I also had a moment when I went to an amusement park and I LOVE riding the rides. WEll there was a particular ride that I wanted to get on and the bar would not close over my stomach. I was so embarrassed I just got off the ride and watched my little sister ride. and there was also this christmas picture that my aunt gave me that knocked me off of my feet. I couldn't even recognize that that was me until I looked at the clothing. And I thought I was fly that day too yall. I grew up very skinny and when I gained all that weight it just really baffled me I just kept saying how in the world did I get here? I haven't looked back since.

Deciding to follow along with the WW Plan

2005-12-20T08:06:00.000-05:00

Well I've decided to follow along with the Wieght Watchers plan on my own since I've done it before I have some of the tools already and I frequently post on the SOWW board for encouragement and with the ladies of Nappturality.com. Tuesday mornings at 7:30 am are going to be my WI times. ANd today I am starting at 251.0. I have been plateauing and maintaining at a 55 lb loss for long enough it's time for this fat to fall off and I exercise enough obviously that's not going to cut it. I have to start monitoring my intake of calories vs. expenditure of calories. As much as I hate journaling it seems that this is the only way I can keep myself accountable. Well that's the story of my life right now. I just got done working out and now it's time to get dressed but I thought I'd let you all know what was going on with me as of late.

Getting to the root of the problem

2005-12-19T20:30:00.000-05:00

Today was my day to reintroduce exercising into the program. I haven't been exercising since last thursday and then after having an emotional setback I rediscovered the emotional eating syndrome. I am also noticing that I am having a really hard time staying awake lately. I almost dosed off in church the other day and I'm tired at work. I have cut back on caffeine I never realized that hot chocolate has caffeine in it... or does it? Anyhoo I've ran out of hot chocolate and I seem to be really tired nowadays I have no idea what that's about.

Oh yeah guess what? I packed my lunch meals for the week yesterday. and I have planned out to eat them on the right days. Now all I've gotta do is find someone to wash all of those dishes LOL. I'm trying out this cooking Sunday for the rest of the week thing that I've heard of ppl doing it and I wanna see how this works out.

I've also got up offa my bum and made some jello to keep around the house as MY snacks. I've come to realize that I have an uncontrollable appetite when it comes to cookies and chips. Whenever my Dh buys treats for the family I don't know it's like I go crazy with it. I'll pack some of it up for snacks. I'll snack on them while I'm preparing dinner, I'll eat them while I'm bored watching tv or reading. I am actually Glad that I have pinpointed the problem with my eating uncontrollably and what's so funny about is that the way that I eat is the same pattern that I had when I smoked. I would smoke as a habit whenever I was bored, on the toilet, driving, I had to have one when I woke up and right before bed. Reading, watching tv. It's like at those specific times I had to have a cigarette because those were the times that it was needed. But it really wasn't it was a mind game. Now that I know where my weaknesses with the eating come in I now have to pray and find guidance on how to overcome those urges. I told my hubby coming up that I lived in a house with 7 ppl and when food was brought in it was every man for himself. You ate what you could and that was the end of it. If you didn't get the goods then you were just out of luck. I think I still carry that curse because like I said when he brings snacks home it's like every man for himself in my home and it drives DH crazy. I know I've rambled about this but this is really breakthrough for me you guys.....

WOW I think I've actually discovered the problem with my habitual eating. woohoo yayy for me LOL. Okay now that I've ran my mouth and found some answers I'm going to go get my sweat on LOL.

~~ TODAY I will NOT get fatter. I can committ to today!~~

Healing, restoration, and beginning to trust again

2005-12-18T17:18:00.000-05:00

To make a long story short about the other post. I went through a really bad issue where i was let down. It was involving work. My frustration was not the fact that I didn't get this position. My frustration was with the fact that God has promised something to me and I put all I had into believing in that promise and then it was turned around to where I didn't receive the blessing. I was upset because I'd felt like God had set me up just to knock me back down. I was fed up and upset. In my personal life I have alot of financial problems and that came out as well in my last rant.
But I thank God for the people... the saints of God continuing to encourage me and help me see a different side of the blessing. I am doing much much better and I have resolved no matter what to just trust God and roll with the punches. I know that the promise that God gave me still stands I just haven't seen it yet. Today I had to put on the spirit of praise for the spirit of heaviness and have the anointing of God break that yoke of a broken heart that I had.
I am entering into a new level of faith and so it's all new to me and I thank God even in my sufferings because I know that it will help someone else in the future when I give my testimony.
I haven't prayed exercised or anything these past couple of days and my eating hasn't been the best but thank God for his grace and mercy for it is renewed daily and today I have the ability to take control of myself. Service today was excellent. And now I'm kickin back watching the Bengals whoop up on Detroit so all is well lol.
My motto that I took from someones post is. Today I WILL NOT get fatter, I can committ to today lol. Thanks for all of your kind notes. It really does help me and thanks for hanging in there with me.
Love

Nothing even matters

2005-12-15T19:29:00.000-05:00

Nothing I do matters anymore, No matter how I feel I never can get ahead I want to give up and just quit.

I'm tired of drowning financially and when I say drowning I MEAN drowning....I'm tired of trying so hard and always being everyones sunshine when all i get is a kick in the teeth

No matter how much I don't get the things that I work hard for and deserve I still keep going and I'm too through with everything.

How's my bills gonna get paid making the bullcrap wages I makeHow are we gonna celebrate christmas when there is nothing to celebrate if we're evicted and the lights get cut off?I'm tired of trying I'm soo sooo tired of coming up short.

Nothing I ever do is enough!!!!!

I quit!

(but no matter how much I want to give up I just keep hearing donnie mcclurkin say***after you've done all you can you just standdddddd****)

And no I'm not depressed or down and out I'm all the way full out PISSED OFF!

fortunately although I'm mad I don't feel like eating crap right now How convenient

**eta well I blew that last thought just got back from cici's pizza and I ate like a malnourished PIG! Good thing I got my workouts in today and I'm done for the day.

BLEH BLEH!

I felt it only right

2005-12-14T20:08:00.000-05:00

To let you guys know that even though I am a terrible blogger I appreciate all of your encouraging words and nagging me to know what in the world I am doing and why I ain't updated lol.

Truth be told I am actually a terrible journaler. I never liked writing in school especially on paper and I still don't like it and maybe that explains my procrastination as far as staying on top of this blog.

Life is life, ya know. I'm still working out, still tryin to eat better. Still trying my best to glorify God in all I do. My kids are growing and the hubby is still the worlds best teddy bear ;D. I am actually awaiting to hear about a position that I applied for that will literally change my Life. now if only the boss of that job would get back with me and let me know something, I'm going nuts thinking about this posititon and the opportunities that will be behind it.

My weight is FINALLY coming off yay for that I'm holding steady again at 249.8 and I am not hopping back on the scale until Next Tuesday.

Oh Oh guess what I got a compliment on my hair today how cool is that. A woman that I work with told me that she loves my hair and she just never got the chance to tell me before. That really made my day. i referred her to come to Nappturality.com and check us old biddies out and she might find something that she likes. This is another black woman that's trying to figure out how to work with her natural texture. I hope she find some information and uses to bring out those beautiful coils and curls that God has blessed her with.

I woke up too tired to do my billy blanks workout this morning and DH is watching tv so I can't throw it in right now so I think I may pop a the FIRM VHS in back in our room and get my pumpin iron/aerobics on in a hot minute.

Hang in there guys with me and stay on my case about updating please I LOVE YOU ALL *hugs and smoochies*

A little under the weather but not defeated

2005-12-09T17:37:00.000-05:00

A little under the weather but not defeated
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Hey guys,
I have to get better on this updating stuff but unfortunately I really hate to write and all that Good stuff.
After Thanksgiving I wasn't feeling the best and My weight was up. I could feel it and I stayed tired. Well I got on the scale that Monday after thanks giving and had to face facts. I was at 260. WOW I didn't realize how easy it is to put the lbs back on. And the next day after much prayer I heard the mottto That God gave me It was Failing to plan means planning to fail. So guess what? I got but behind back on the wagon and began exercising and eating better and I have joined a challenge to lose 10 lbs by New Years eve. The healthy way that is..... Well I've been working out consistently doing my billy blanks dvd and getting on the stairmaster at lunch and eating better and I'm back to 253.4. I just want to get back down to 249 so I can lose weight from my last lowest weight so far. I was in denial about my eating and slacking on my exercise but seeing some success stories from other people can be just the thing that gives you the kick in the rear to get it together. I am going to glorify God with my health and a smaller size in shape to be able to praise him without getting tired or being pooped at the end of the day. I Was doing really Good up until about May of This year, that's when the plateau set in. I know I have to step up my game and I am doing that and I am determined to lose 10 lbs by New years eve. Hopefully more than 10 lbs if I stay on plan. I've been weighing my options on going to WW because I've done it before and it was a success. I just don't have the funds to do it right now but I will soon. And until then I will continue to work my program.

AS I said earlier I'm a little under the weather so I'm going to go lay down but I thought I'd atleast give you guys an update on me. God is still in control and he is doing some amazing things in my life spiritually and naturally that I'm not a liberty to discuss right now but just know that God is worthy of all honor glory and praise. As a matter of fact he's worth more than we give him credit for. The bible says that the earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof so that means that everything in this earth belongs to God. We can belong to God as well but we have a freewill choice to choose to serve him and ask him to come into our hearts to have a relationship with him. Jesus is the reason for the season and I although I celebrate him everyday I can't help being excited about his birthday coming up. We usually bake a cake and sing happy birthday Jesus on his birthday. I'm excited thinking about doing that soon. I love the Lord yall and I'm telling you I have more fun in Jesus than I ever had living in worldly ways. My kids have come to LOVE christmas and it has NOTHING to do with the gift giving it's about the family traditions that we use to celebrate Jesus. I thank God for them enjoying it. Okay guys I'm going to lay down now yall take care *waving*

Life rating

2005-11-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

here is my life rating

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	7.6
Body:	6.8
Spirit:	10
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	9.1
Finance:	4.4
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Cleanse is over

2005-11-07T10:13:00.000-05:00

The Cleanse ended Last Friday 11/04/05 and I'm cool nothing spectacular has happened Just a whole bunch of breaking out and I think the water drinking has basically got me back to regular BM's. I'm doing about 40% better with portion control.

`I am so proud of myself my hubby and I and the kids went to Golden Corral to get something to eat after my son's playoff game saturday and I did so good it was unbelievable. I had a huge salad with no meat ( I use mushrooms as meat it's the closest tasting thing to me lol). I then had some jalapeno poppers and brocolli, and Mac n Cheese. I grabbed a piece of cheese pizza but for some odd reason it smelled like fresh throwup (tmi i know sorry) and I couldn't eat it I was nauseous just smelling it lol. I drunk tea and water and when I took my son to get dessert I was basically mentally making myself want to eat dessert when I was plainly full. Then as I walked past all of those, cakes, cookies, candy and dessert. I heard a little voice clear as day say..." IS it really worth it?" And I though it over and really it wasn't, I had enought time to analyze and really think about it. And kept on walking. Normally I'da gotten a piece of carrot cake, german chocolate cake and whatever else but honestly I wasn't hungry and the food on that stand didn't even tempt me. I was so excited I told my DH when I sat down about my victory :D He was proud of me and he's lately been talking about buying more fish for the house. I told him that I haven't even been eating fish, not to worry about me I'm cool and he said no HE wants to get the fish because he's getting tired of chicken .......LOL I was shocked. My family doesn't eat alot of pork or beef they really eat chicken, fish and turkey more or less. So when he said that I was shocked I guess this new way of eating is effecting him too lol.

I took this girl named Black pearl's recipe for jerk chicken and made it for my family and they LOVED it! I'm so happy. I'll post the ingredients and if anyone wants to make it feel free the jerk sauce tasted really good as I was making it.

Too bad I don't eat meat but I didn't want any anyway. I attribute that to the Lord people because it's so weird I have absolutely no inkling of a taste for meat AT ALL. I mean even eating vegan I don't even have a want to try eating soy or veggie burgers, ot any kind of vegan versions of foods with meat. I have no taste for these types of food whatsoever, It's really weird. I feel like whats the point of going vegan if your just gonna eat something that resembles what you gave up unless you really want that meat that you gave up? I guess when people are transistioning I can see eating meat alternatives to get used to not eating meat. Anyways I'm doing pretty good with it.

God has been revealing so much to me I'm just waiting on and asking what to do with all of this word that has been given and revelation that I'm seeing during this time of consecration and prayer. Yall this is more of an exciting spiritual journey but nonetheless I love the Lord so much for direction. God has delivered me from alot of things and I know so because when I sleep the enemy tries to bring it into my dreams. I have nightmares about stuff that I never thought was a problem that I gave up just out of the sheer not wanting to do it anymore. God is real and his word is so true. I can't tell you guys all of the things that I have been delivered and released from yet because God is not allowed me to release it yet. BUt when I get a chance to give my testimony I surely will. You all be blessed on Jesus name and try making this jerk chicken recipe... according to my family it was the Bizomb. Here check it out:

Jerk Chicken

INGREDIENTS: 1 tbs. Ground allspice (didn't have this)
1 tbs. Dried thyme 1 1/2 tsp.
Cayenne pepper 1 1/2 tsp.
Freshly ground black pepper 1 1/2 tsp.
Ground sage 3/4 tsp.
Ground nutmeg (didn't have this)
3/4 tsp. Ground cinnamon
2 tbs. Salt
2 tbs. Garlic powder (substitued Garlic SAlt)
1 tbs. Sugar
1/4 cup Olive oil
1/4 cup Soy sauce
3/4 cup White vinegar (Used Apple cider vinegar cause that's all I had)
1/2 cup Orange juice (Didn't have this)
Juice of 1 lime (Used lemon juice)
1 Scotch bonnet pepper, seeded and finely chopped (used lemon pepper instead)
1 cup Chopped white onion
3 Green onions, finely chopped (didn't have this)
4 Chicken breasts (6 to 8 oz)trimmed of fat (used chicken legs and thighs with skin still on them..Ghetto I know lol)

DIRECTIONS: In a large bowl, combine the allspice, thyme, cayenne pepper, black pepper, sage, nutmeg, cinnamon, salt, garlic powder and sugar. With a wire whisk, slowly add the olive oil, soy sauce, vinegar, orange juice, and lime juice. Add the Scotch bonnet pepper, onion, and green onions and mix well. Add the chicken breasts, cover and marinate overnight for best results. Preheat an outdoor grill or oven and continue to baste chicken while cooking.
(what I did was mix all ingredients in a bowl and then stir them up and pour over the chicken......Didn't get a chance to marinate but next time I will.......Then I put the chicken in the oven and let it bake for about 50 mins- 65 mins and serve)

7 day colon cleanse

2005-10-28T08:20:00.000-04:00

Thank you so much guys for alot of your answers as to why I'm breaking out, bloated, and constipated. I now understand that my body is detoxing itself from all of the meat that I used to eat. In response to what my body is doing I have purchsed a 7 day detox kit http://www.vitacost.com/NutritionNowAntiToxin7CompleteInternalCleanse and I am on day one of this cleanse. I was told that the breakouts and symptoms will get worse with the cleanse but in return it will get better also. I am documenting the phases that I go through in the cleanse.
So far there hasn't been anything drastic going on. I took my first pill and drunk my first dosage of fiber power stuff that actually had no taste until I got to the bottom of it and there was an orange taste to it that kind of put me in the mind of alka seltzer. I was a bit scared to drink it though because once I poured it into the water it looked like little green and brown leaves. It was cool though. I've had water this morning already and since I drink 128 ozs a day I should have no problems in that area. See the cleanse kit recommends to have atleast 48 oz daily while doing this cleanse.
About 30 minutes ago I started getting really sharp pains in my head on the left side around the temple. I am in the process of catching a cold so I don't feel the best of the best either but hopefully I'll get through this alright. Anyways on to the water drinking and working out. take care and thanks so much for you guys' concerns and words of help. I have definitely taken notes.

I don't really consume alot of sugar or overindulge in process foods I just understand that my body is detoxing itself. The fact that I am catching a cold has suppressed my appetite a little but I am making myself eat and when I do i try to balance out the protein and carbs and all that good stuff. I see major gains in my strength since doing my consistent workouts. I can now do my 3 sets of 10 pushups without struggling or breathing as hard so hopefully that means I'm getting stronger. I also notice with this extra weight on it's a littel harder to run at the same speed so I have slowed down a tid bit. Hopefully once the weight drops back down to normal I can get back to my regular personal times. well thanks for lending me your eyes.

Trying to figure this out

2005-10-26T17:22:00.000-04:00

Okay this is not a rant.... just some general questions.

I've been working out consistently and for the most part I've never really stopped working out at all but I still seem to be gaining weight. As a response to direction from the Lord in my prayer I am in consecration and I have abstained from meat for the past 3 weeks. And in those 3 weeks I have gained almost 10 lbs. I don't get that. I have become constipated, and bloated and gassy (TMI I know sorry guys) and I'm breaking out on my face left and right, everyday I'm finding new blackheads. For the most part I am eating legumes(mixed beans), Sunflower seeds and raisin mixed, tea is the only thing i drink besides water, fruit and salad.

Honest to God I am really trying to figure out how in the world I am gaining all this weight. Every time I read about a person going vegetarian then their weight begins to fall off. This is not happening with me. I'm doing the exact opposite. I run or walk for 40 minutes and upwards daily. I do a 5 day abs workout mon-fri. I do 3 sets of 10 pushups ( full body ones at that), and I lift weights yet instead of my inches going down or fat melting I'm gaining weight. I just don't get it.

I don't have money around to start shopping extravagantly. I can't shop like a single person because I have a family to feed and I refuse to push my vegan meal changes on them. Don't get me wrong they still eat healthy but they have a totally different kind of meal than me unless it's like spaghetti and salad and I only have salad. I'm really at a loss for words. I get paid tomorrow and I'm going to by a colon cleanse kit. This is the only thing I can think of to stop me from being so....constipated. Before I started eating vegan I had BM's 1-2 times daily... Now I'm lucky to have one a day where I'm killing myself just to get it out. I feel heavy all the time. My stomach is sticking out all the time.

I'm going to go google some healthy vegan foods that will help me to Lose weight. I thought I was doing pretty good but I'm coming up empty.
Don't worry I'm not ready to give up I'm just really perplexed as to why I'm not losing and why my system is so backed up. It's like my body is resisting the fat falling off or holding on to it and trying to accumulate more somehow. Anyhoo tomorrow I'll be heading out to GNC to get some 7 day cleanse or something. I'll keep you guys updated.

2005-10-23T20:32:00.000-04:00

Hey guys,
It's great to be back. I needed to take a mental and physical break for 1 week straight where I focused on one thing at a time. As far as the exam that I took I really stressed out about it and studied HARD but when I took the test I found out that I was studying some really outdated material which ended up having me lost in the process of taking the test and I failed the certification. I was a little upset about it but I got over it and I'm cool. I will take the test again soon and get my certification. It's no big deal I will pass I already know this. As therapy for my loss I took the day off and went shopping and then got my hair braided so I'm happy.

I went shopping for some pants. I went to ashley stewarts which is a wonderful big girl store with some banging clothes I love this place. I was able to put on a size 14 jeans!!! They were super tight and according to these kind of places I know that they make their sizes fit more on the big size but still I was geeked LOL. I ended up getting a size 17/18 pant that was really cute. Also went to get some free shoes from DSW ( I received my $25.00 gift certificate in the mail) and I was able to fit a size 10M comfortably woohoo!!!! My feet are going down again thank you Jesus!!! I know I won't go any farther than a 10 but hey I'll take it. Today is usually my worst day as far as eating because it's my pig out day but I'm alright and I'm about to get my workout on so yayyy me.

Last weeks goals was NO GOALS.

This weeks Goals:

Go behind the veil daily (prayer)
5 Day abs
Run atleast 3 days out of this week.
Actually attempt to even meet my water goals 128 oz a day (starts tomorrow don't wanna be up all night LOL).
And keep up the no meat routine ( I've been keeping this up 2 weeks seafood free yippe)
Figure out how to get some protein in besides sunflower seeds and peanuts lol.
Thanks so much guys for all of your supportive words and encouragement. Last saturday I weighed myself and I've actually lost all of the TOM weight so it's on to the 240's...dangblastit I should've been there long ago but I will be there. I give myself until December to be in the 230's.

I'm still alive Quick update

2005-10-20T13:47:00.000-04:00

Taken from a comment i left in someon else's blog:

'I'm slowly but surely coming back around I had to take some time out and focus on the more important things in my life(long story) anyhoo you'll be hearing from me again soon enough. I'm hanging in there. Thanks And I've done almost 2 weeks with no meat how great is that? I mean I don't even crave it anymore. I did have a nightmare where I was eating a cheeseburger one night though LOL!! If only I could start eating the "better" vegan foods. I'm getting there I got the fruit part down to a tee now i have to incorporate more veggies, besides carrots, and greens LOL.'

I have to start back with the exercise I've been walking on my hour lunch break all this week but that has been the gist of my workout schedule. No running, no weightlifting, no 5 day abs, My goals for this week has been no goals. I am staying active and eating right so I'm building myself back up. I was really getting burnt out and needed a break. I am feeling alot better and I am slowly but surely getting back into working out. I have to take an exam for certification for my job and I have been really focusing on that. I will be testing tomorrow and after the stress of that is out of my system I will refocus on the 12 week challenge. I know we are in week 6 of the challenge and I'm determined to get this weight off. Thanks every 0ne for all of your support you guys really inspire and motivate me. God will bless you for your efforts.

Okay back to studying.......

Sounding off

2005-10-17T21:45:00.000-04:00

Today was not a very good day at all. If your looking for peaches and sunshine this is not the blog to visit. I must warn you in advance that I am very depressed and this blog entry is not the best of the best.

At first I wasn't going to write anything but I've had folks checkin up on me and emailing me and such to make sure I'm alright. Well I'm alrigt but I'm not. I'm a little stuck right now. I have a loaded plate full of aspirations and expectations and it's wearing me down. But because this is a weightloss blog so I'll k.i.s.s. (Keep it simple stupid). My weight is somehow going up instead of down. Even with all the hard work, with all the avoiding meat, with all the workouts, I have still managed to gain weight. I went to a seafood only diet by the leading of prayer and hearing it plain as day for consecration and I began only eating seafood then last week I didn't even have a taste for seafood so I did strictly no meat last week and now TOM has arrived and I've been a little bloated and gained weight. I can be honest with myself and say that I have consumed some not so good for you things this past week but man the amount of weight that I have gained is insane. I was so bummed about the weight gain that I didn't run or exercise at all today and I have vegged out all day. I was thinking about joining WW again but thought about the financial woes we are having. Thought about getting a gym membership but once again that has to be put on hold. Thinking about paying off some bills and loans and don't have enough money to do that right now. I'm just stuck all the way around. My son was sick so I had to call off from work and stay at home with him. I've not gotten anything productive done when I could have. I've been breaking out on my face left and right, My hair is not acting right. I just feel terrible today.......
So please excuse me guys if I don't update for a while.

I'm just not feeling this right now.......

week 5 of the 12 week challenge

2005-10-10T22:17:00.000-04:00

I am so happy to report that 2 of my 3 goals have been reached for the 11st week of ocotber my set goals were:

October goals are :Set H2O goal for the month: 128 oz a day - NOPE HASN'T HAPPENED YET
-Set goal for pounds and/or inches lost: 2 inches off of the jelly belly - 1 inch lost since last week cool!!!
Try a new physical activity - committing to actually doing my 5 day abs firm tape in 5 days nonstop. DONE!!!!!!

Okay I am headed out to do the 5 day abs again starting tonight *wondering why I'm putting myself through this agony*

Okay guys off to a new week and attaining goals again!!! Pray for me

Subway cookies are the DEBIL!!!!

2005-10-05T14:14:00.000-04:00

Dangblastit Subway and their Chewy goodness cookies *faints* I tried resisting the urge to buy some as i have been successful at doing lately but today they were just calling me and calling my name. As of today for 1 whole month I am determined not to buy ANY subway COOKIES *looks around biting nails*

I felt like a crackhead getting a fix when I ate those darn cookies. I had 2 raisin oatmeal cookies and one peanut butter cookie 3 for $1.29 That's the sucker punch to my gut. The price. BTW why in the world is it so hard to save money when eating healthy... I seem to always be too broke. And all that crap about it's worth it in the long run.... I gotta see it to believe it cause right now gas cost too much money for me to be leaving my kroger brand white bread on the shelf to dish out extra for whole grain wheat bread. Or paying darn near 3 dollars on some soy or rice or almond milk when the regular version is just $1.89 per gallon. I know right now I'm ranting because of my own mistake but so what. My diary my big mouth LOL. I know for real that it will be worth it in the end but why does it have to cost so much.

Back to subway cookies being the debil! Atleast I didn't get any chocolate chip cookies. I never by chips or a drink to go with my sub I only get the cookies so maybe they were compensating? I Dunno. And what's really messed up about all of this is that this afternoon I won't get to run it off because my hubby and I will be celebrating our Anniversary in the most inexpensive(cheap) but elegant way possible. I hate not having money on me to do what i WANT to do that sucks and he's broke too but we'll make do. Plus with it being a school night we can't stay out long so I will have no time to run when I get off of work. I guess I'll be okay but I can't help but think what in the world is my problem .

I think I'm going to check in to cookie overeaters anonymous.
*Jets out of OD Napps hung in shame........................

September- October

2005-10-05T11:54:00.000-04:00

September went pretty well I am in week 4 of the 12 week challenge. I haven't weighed myself because I just don't want to LOL. I'm tired of the scale dictating my mood for the day so I've put it up. My goals for september although I'm not sure if I actually had any in the first place was simply to exercise more and eat right and that I have been doing. I slipped a couple of days but for the most part I really stayed on point.

October I actually have goals and I'm doing really well about keeping them. I am a very tunnel visioned person and when I set my mind to something I will not stop until it is complete so I'm glad that I've actually wrote out some goals and guidelines so now I KNOW I will follow them:

October goals are :
Set H2O goal for the month: 128 oz a day-
Set goal for pounds and/or inches lost: 2 inches off of the jelly belly
Try a new physical activity - committing to actually doing my 5 day abs firm tape in 5 days nonstop.

Water goal has been a breeze
Inches on the belly are pretty stable nowadays
And last night while doing day 2 of the 5 day abs workout it felt like my abs were going to rip apart into tiny little pieces then crumble into dust. after about 2 minutes it got a little easier but goodness I never knew a simple 5 minute ab workout could hurt so much uuurrrgghh.

AS I've stated before for spiritual reasons I have been abstaining from meat and only eating seafood which has been going pretty good. I'm still managing to overeat but atleast it's healthy food right? LOL I know I'm working on that.

I'm not to hot on posting food journals because for one they seem pretty tedious and boring to me I mean I never pay attention when people do that, and second I am in serious denial about my portion distortion and that's another demon I'll have to deal with on another day. Baby steps rememeber one day at a time..........

Oh yeah and guess what? It's my 3rd year anniversary to Mr. Dawson woohoo yay for 3 years right? Celebrate!

BTFC Challenge courtesy of WWDiva

2005-10-01T23:41:00.000-04:00

Okay guys so I’ve subscribed to the Bermuda Food Triangle (Halloween (though I don’t celebrate it), Thanksgiving, and Christmas) Challenge that WWDiva has started. There were a couple of things that I ascribed to and I am committed to do each of those things. Here is a list of goals set and my responses to the questions asked:
Set a realistic exercise goal for the month: Not go crazy with the scale. Work out 900 minutes in OCT.
-Set H2O goal for the month: 128 oz a day
-Set goal for pounds and/or inches lost: 2 inches off of the jelly belly
-Try a new physical activity - haven't done tae-bo in a while maybe once or twice a week*****edited********** Actually I am rather going to commit to 5 nights a week doing my 5 day abs firm tape.

It’s funny because I’ve always considered my body type and shape to be an hourglass shape but as the lbs start to come off I am now seeing that I have more of an apple shape. I don’t have too much hips There is actually an illusion of hips that I always had as a youngun by having thunderthighs and a big booty but I must confess and get out of self denial about hips. I’ve never really had them and I suspect I maybe never will. Even as a teenager when I was much thinner I always wondered why it looked like there was a piece of flesh missing where there should be hips but everything else compensated. Even when I gain weight I hear lots of people talk of their hips and thighs expanding and that has never really been the case with me actually it’s my stomach, my middle that gets swollen. And all of the women in my family are built the exact same way. Big stomachs big breast and not too much else to work with. As I lose weight I’m very interested in seeing how my shape will change. Now if I could just get this middle of mines to shrink I think I just might be alright. RBG started a 12 week challenge and I am 4 weeks into the challenge. For spiritual reasons I am abstaining from all meat (except for seafood) for 30 days or until the Lord says different. Hopefully this will aid in the weightloss effort. I feel great but the scale is not moving but I’m not losing hope. I will keep at this and at the end of the 12 week challenge if I am still at the same weight I will have to revamp all of my efforts.

Oh Oh guess what guys? My Dh bought some cinnamon rolls today and asked me to make them because he doesn't know how and once they were ready instead of grabbing 3 or four of them as I'd normally do I thought about it and only grabbed one and had 1 cup of cranapple juice to go with it and I've been drinking water the rest of the day. Yay me for eating in moderation on a Saturday evening while watching movies with the family :D.

Okay well this is the latest update. See yall later.

Non scale Victories

2005-09-29T11:54:00.000-04:00

Guess what yall?

I can now run for 1 hour skraight (excuse my ebonics for a moment and celebrate with me okayyyy?!?!) Woo hoo~! * doing happy dance*

How relaxed my body gets after 30 minutes of running is amazing i mean I struggle to find my pace and get comfortable for the 1st 2 miles which normally equate to about 26 minutes give or take then when I hit 30 minutes it's smooth sailing i don't even think about my body anymore from there on I'm just taking in the scenary.

Man I know winter time is really gonna suck I'll be on the dreadmill like a hamster on an exercise wheel. but that's okay I'm still gonna keep at it.

Just a special note to a pmer on www.nappturality.com girl you really brightened my day today with that note of encouragement, hopefully you see this message you are the bomb! Keep at it and you'll soon see results!

Happy Anniversary to me!!!!!

2005-09-28T11:54:00.000-04:00

Well okay guys it's the day of my weightloss anniversary. A year ago today I made up in my mind that enough is enough and I haven't looked back and at 54 lb lbs lighter with lots to go I'm just happy and praising God that I made it this far and I have lots of poundage to go but I'm ready for the next year and I'm determined to get more weight off. Kudos for 54 lbs but I'm not getting comfortable..........

Okay drama fit is over I'm doing better

2005-09-28T02:18:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys,

Thanks so much for the votes of confidence I am feeling much much better. I guess that's what get for weighing in a day before my actual weigh in day. I got on the scale this morning and it was 5 lbs down from yesterday. Go figure right? ehh whatever........

Good news is that I was in such a slump yesterday that I went for an afterwork run just to De-stress, clear my mind, and lift my mood and I ended up running for like 48 minutes and I finished the whole swarréé in about 1 hour. I'm currently rethinking the gym membership bidness as of late, well because quite frankly a sista is broke and needs to get her car fixed and bills paid and I can workout for free so why ruin a good thing right? Anyways hubby has granted me permission to run in the mornings again yay me now I just have to get a jacket with reflectors on it and carry a .22 in the pocket LOL. No but seriously I will have some mase just in case....hey that rhymed LOL. I'm a little sleepy hence a bit of slap happiness.

Good news is Tomorrow I will be celebrating one year of weightloss, down side is that for the past 6 months I have been sorta weightloss challenged. As of September 28, 2005 I will have lost a total of 54 lbs. yayyy me right? Well hopefully if and when I make it to September 28, 2006 I'll be down to 108 lbs loss then I'll only have about 30-40 lbs to go. Man, that seems like alot but that's okay I didn't put the weight on overnight so it's not coming off that fast.

I honestly wonder if I need to join some kind of weightloss program again like weightwatchers to see the scale move, or try the south beach diet or something because this fat is holding on for dear life one day it leaves next day it's back with a avengance. I don't subscribe to diets because I don't wanna be trapped into any kind of system I want my eating habits to be changed for life not just until the weight comes off. I don't know what I'm gonna do I think I'll maybe go to sleep first and then I can clear my head and think a little more straight on this whole subject.

Well thanks for lending me your eyes TTFN "waving"

Poo Poo Party

2005-09-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

I suck didley uck! I ain't even gon' front, I have no excuse I'm such a loser today LLOOOSSSEEERRRRR!!! Must drink some more water *chanting to myself*

How about I just got on the scale and it says I'm almost eight lbs up
*dead*

I cain't take all this no mo yall!!!! I'm ret to give up *singing sob song*.
But I 'm not gonna do it yall, no sir I'm not gonna do it!! Imma keepin on truckin though, but today I am so upset I cannot tell a lie. I just put in about 3 packs of kinky extension so I know there may possibly be about 2-3 maybe even 5 lbs weight gain from that LOL but dang 7-8 lbs I just don't get it *shrugs*

Today is just not a good day at all. *walks out head hung low*

Bally's Update

2005-09-20T14:35:00.000-04:00

Well I went to Bally's on my lunch yesterday to check out this month to month deal so I could see what the catch was and check out their equipment, their operating hours and their daycare. When I went in the first person I see is a guy I used to go to school with. He is a personal trainer. We say our howdy do's then he gives me a quick tour of the place and we discuss our options. The prices were pretty feasible to not be locked into some 12-24 month contract but there was just something about this bally's I dunno it seems a bit...small or something I just don't know. Anyways I told him that I may be interested and my husband may be interested as well so we set up an appointment to meet with the guy Saturday and discuss if we're interested or not. I get a free 7 day pass for the week so today I go to the gym on my lunch break.
I was going to go early this morning to get my run in but because of a blackout that we had the night before from a terrible thunder and lightning storm that caused me to be up until 12Am I just couldn't get up at 5:25 and head to the gym. I get to the gym and I get directions as to where the locker rooms are and blah blah blah. The lockerrooms are very nice spacious there's a gazillion lockers and even an scale off to the side in the locker room and shower stalls and such. Well I'm so used to just hopping into the restroom at the hotel I normally workout in and changing I chose to change clothes in one of the handicap stalls and come out and get my workout on. I must completely admit that everything I did I compared it to the hotel that i normally work out in. The hotel is quiet, sectioned off, and nobody EVER comes in there to workout. There is one big television with a remote to it, you workout in an airconditioned room that you can control the amount of heat and/or air that you want blowing on you and blah blah blah.
Anyways I come out of the dressing rooms and go to the treadmills and see that the treadmills that Bally's uses are the EXACT same as the one little treadmill in the hotel. Then there are 3 different televisions in the room but they are all fixed on the money or weather channel or some other boring station(thank God I brought my CD player and Headphones whew). The treadmills sit directly in front of the windows so when you run you can look outside which pretty much attribute to you feeling like a hamster on a exercise wheel just running in place. There is a row of treadmills, then there is a row of stationary bikes, then there is a row of recumbant bikes then there is a row of stairmasters old and new then there is a row of ellipictals I don't know but it was just too informal for me. So After I ran for about 25 minutes I walk over to the weights to see where I want to work and run into and old friend of mines that I used to have the biggest crush on in high school and actually had a semi-quasi friendship/flirtship with years ago (presaved and prebabyLOL). He's always been into PT and football and I got a chance to chat with him then I went to lift s0me weights. NOW the weights section is really what I like about this place they have every single weight imaginable that you can think of and it's open and free space up in that place!!! The hotel's fitness center really doesn't have alot of weights. There used to be some orange girly 10 lb weights but those aren't even there anymore. There is a extension/squat machine in the hotel's fitness area but I need more variety than that. After my workouts I was wondering if they had towels that they provided but from what I saw most of the people there brought their own towels and water bottles. Thank GodI filled up on water before I got to the gym that was a BIG downer for Bally's because the hotel's fitness center not only provides towels for it's people it also has a water machine thingy in the fitness room. So all in all I think that this hotel's fitness center has really spoiled me because I just don't see paying all of that money to go to this gym when I currently go to a fitness center for free you know what I mean? And this little fitness center in this hotel has a jacuzzi, and swimming pool and a sauna. The reason I was looking for more is because after working out in the same spot by yourself for 3 years you kinda want a change......ya know different scenery and I really feel as if I need so much more variety with the weights but that is just not worth it. I mean what really got me was that the treadmill that I ran on there was the EXACT same treadmill that I run on at the hotel but atleast I can watch tv and I'm there by myself. My decision has already been made but I think I am gonna milk this 7 day free pass and get in as much weight training as I can.

Great new deal for Bally's

2005-09-19T08:27:00.000-04:00

Hey guys,

I just saw a new commercials that Bally's will be sponsoring month to month memberships!!! Now that would be right up my alley for my morning runs to help my hubby feel more comfortable. Instead of me hitting the pavement in the dark during early morning hours I could just go to the gym and I wouldn't have to worry about 5 year and 2 year contracts and such. I can really only commit to once a month and afford that. Plus my little fitness center that I go to on my lunch breaks is so small there isn't much equipment at all as a matter of fact I've been working out on those same 3 or 4 machines for 3 years LOL. I may possibly be going there soon and very soon.
Oh yeah and also Saturday I went on my long weekend run with a girlfriend of mines and it was really nice. She is walking now and trying to get back into shape, so while she walked I ran and the kids were out on the loop with us. I am so proud of my baby girl because she sees me running and now she wants to run too. She almost ran a complete mile while we were out there. I attribute much of her endurance to cheerleading practice. They run pretty much while they have practice so she's used to running now. I have also noticed as of this morning my spare tire is shrinking. Pretty soon they will disentegrate(sp) down to some regular old love handles and then purty soon they'll be gone yippee LOL! Yesterday we had a family reunion for my side of the family and I got to where my cute little shirt it's an orange wife beater material like t shirt and it says Good Hair on the front with some exotic eyes and some strings of hair and the back of the shirt has a definition of Good Hair. Hair that is kept in good condition texture is of no importance. I love that shirt and I actually got to wear it and my stomach wasn't sticking out or hanging over the top of my pants LOL. I would never go out like that anyways but I've seen women try to pull that look off . I was extremely pleased with how my body is reshaping especially with this weight lifting. The only thing I don't care for with the weightlifting is that heavy feeling and the soreness. Man I am really sore 1-2 days after working a particular muscle group, I guess I'll just have to get used to it though because it really is shaping my muscles and melting the fat on my body. I have alot more fat to be melted before I can actually see some definition BUT I can feel and see me shrinking for the first time in a long time.

Morning Run Delayed hpmh

2005-09-15T12:16:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what my body is doing nowaday s but I've been waking up at like 3-4 o'clock here lately completely energized after having just went to sleep at 11:00-11:30pm. This morning I got up at like 3am then laid back down and then 4 o'clock went to use the restroom and laid back down and tossed and turned until 5 am and said Oh whatever I'm getting up I usually run @ 5:45am anyways. So I get dressed get a cup of tea and read some scriptures then here I am all set to go out and run feeling good feeling great then DH calls out to me out of his sleep and tells me to come'ere So I go to the back and he tells me he has a very very bad feeling about me running this morning please don't go out to run this morning in the neighborhood. He said he was having bad dreams and everything about it. So instead of going out for my morning jog I politely sit down super irritated because I was really pumped up for my run and I began to pray. After praying I threw in a FIRM upper Body tape and called it a day. I know that the seasons are changing so when I go out for my normal early morning run it's no longer sunrise by the time I get done as a matter of fact it's still very dark out and the neighborhood that I live in is not exactly running loop-worthy if ya KWIM LOL, but the neighborhood is extremely family oriented fairly small I mean I know EVERYBODY there, but I must admit I do think I need to get some mase(sp) to take along with me in the mornings ya never know who's out there waiting for ya *shrugs*. I hate to admit this guys but I was really upset because I couldn't go out for my morning run. I mean like I said I couldn't really sleep past 3 o'clock, and I was pumped and ready to get some fresh air clear my mind and be proud of my little wind sprints. Is that so wrong? I honestly cannot run at any other time of the day because my schedule is jam packed every day of the week. I hope he doesn't get worried to the point where I can't even get in my morning run in. I really really love that alone time and the fact that I'm moving and I can feel the different muscles in my body that are working harder than others and because I run so early in the morning no one sees me running it's just me the pavement and God . I have some really indepth conversations with him when I run.
I just hope it doesn't come to this and according to my training routine I'm trying to figure out how to get this run in *mopes* Anyhoo that's my update for the day

TTFN

Girl unnt uhhh Failure is not an option

2005-09-07T16:46:00.000-04:00

While at work today I realized some startling things around the office. Well as you all know in January everyone comes up with these blissfully painful resolutions such as losing weight, quitting smoking, not committing to men that will hurt them, Not chasing men or women anymore but finally settling down and blah blah blah. Well it seems that by June most of the resolutions are broken, and by September they've vanished into thin air no longer to be remembered for all mankind. We'll I looked around my office and really REALIZED the truth in this observation. Almost everyone that has had a resolution aren't sticking to them. One of our coworkers was losing weight pretty drastically and he looked very nice with the weight off and last week we had a work picnic in which he was the chef(he does it every year). He still looked fairly thin last week (or was that two weeks ago) , anyways today we had a meeting and he attended and I promise to goodness it looks like every lb that he lost he has put back on. Then there a lady in my office an older black lady that keep's the pharmacy in her desk drawers and the kitchen in her cabinets that claims to be on some kind of diet ALL OF THE TIME but you never see her lose any weight. She has atleast three different huge bottles of vitamins sitting on her desk she barely works always has headphones on munchin on something, knows everything there is about losing weight but still jumps on every bandwagon that comes along and never loses any weight. Then there are the already fit people that pretty much show off their goods... which by instance I don't criticize at all because if you've worked hard to get it then by all means show it off!!! As I was observing all of this I looked at myself and wondered where I fit in.

Well I've given away almost all of my bigger clothing to people that needed it or so they say and I am left with 3-4 outfits in my old size and so to be comfortable I decided to wear this outfit. It's a pretty floral green and cream colored dress (and for those of you that know me I hate floral clothing yuk! But this one is cute as a matter of fact I have this dress in two different colors) that I bought when I was much bigger. This dress is a size 3x to be exact and because I wanted to be comfortable and floaty I threw the dress on. I think this may have been the biggest mistake I've ever made. I look like I am my old size in this dress and it scared me to bits!!!! i must and I mean absolutely MUST get rid of this dress! I thought back to when I actually could FIT this dress even at my biggest size it looked Good on me because no matter what size I was I had a nice shape. well now that I've lost the weight it looks like a big potato sack on me. Normally I'd be overjoyed at this but because it makes me look like an overgrown RECTANGLE I just can't take it!! I put this dress on and automatically thought about the woman that I work with with the pharmacy in her cube and the kitchen in her cabinets and freaked out. I look as if I talk a good game about losing weight but my clothes make it look as if I have gained every ounce back. I have to go home and change ASAP!!!! I can't wait to get out of here.

AS you all know(if you haven't read some former blogs) September is my New Year's so I'm going to step it up a notch and get rid of all these potato sack dresses and get in gear. I've joined RBG's 12 week challenge so it's on and poppin now. I will not be the wanna be thin office lady I WILL BE the thin office lady LOL.

Well thanks for lending me your eyes and understanding and until next time......

TTFN

Self Sabotage is over as of....NOW

2005-09-05T11:21:00.000-04:00

have to do some inventory on myself here lately because I seem to be getting a tid bit lazy with my workouts they haven't been as frequent. I haven't gained anything significant I think I just have to get my body out of maintenance mode and get it into losing mode. Last week Monday, I weighed myself and the scale reported 249.6 woohooo right? Well I can feel that I've atleast gained some of this weight back but for my conscious sake I'm going to continue to say and feel that I weigh 249.6 LOL.

My mini goal that is the tip of the iceberg for me is to get my waist down to 39 inches right now I teeter totter with 42-40 inches on a daily basis depending on if I exercise that day so hopefully within the next couple of weeks or so I can get down to 39 inches.

I also have a confession to make. I think today must be a self sabotage day although I am getting it back on track RIGHT NOW. I just had a snickers candy bar yall.... yep that's right I missed my mark by eons I haven't had a snickers in almost 1 year probably over 1 year to be exact and I had a small six pack of oreo cookies ready and a small bag of chex mix party snacks. That dang blastit snack machine okay so I'm telling myself right this very moment all of that was in the past and now I'm working towards the future! I have to think results and get a grip before a grip gets me!!! I am better and stronger than this and I will make it!!! Think Results!! My water intake hasn't been up to par either so I know I have lots of work to do! I'm catching these symptoms early and fixing them in every way that I know how. Sometimes it's easier to talk about all of this stuff and/or type inspirational things to make me look like I'm doing A O.K. But a sista is getting a handle on this off the screen as well as on the screen today. Any comments of inspiration are welcome if you're out there in blogger land. This is my S.O.S help a sista out yall! It's new year for me my goals start today and I have a 90 day goal of losing 15 lbs. It took me 7 months to lose 21 lbs comfortably so hopefully 15 lbs in 90 days is feasible. I'm being realistic here, yeah I could lose 20 lbs in 2 months and I could lose 2 lbs a week to get a gigantic weightloss thing going but on the real it just doesn't happen like that for me. I don't want my weight coming off too fast because then that'll scare me into thinking that it will be put back on just that fast so a new year a new goal for I and I.

I am the kind of person that since I was small counted my years in terms of school years. My beginning of the year has always been in September and my end of the year has always been June LOL . No disrespect to New Years Day in January but really that just throws a monkey wrench into the way that I think so septemeber it is. After all most of my anniversary things revolve around sept. anyways. My job anniversary is Sept. 4, My weightloss anniversary is Sept. 28th, my wedding anniversary is Oct 5th, My nappy anniversary is December. So why not just make september the new year LOL?

50 Deadliest Dieting Mistakes

2005-09-02T08:30:00.000-04:00

I came across this article and thought I'd post it because it has great tips!

50 Deadliest Dieting Mistakes
By Julia Griggs Havey eDiets Master Motivator

1. Having a negative defeatist attitude.

2. Going on any diet that is NOT a manner of eating that you can adhere to for the rest of your life.

3. Believing that you can eat cabbage soup -- or any other low-cal, but monotonous fare -- every
day for the rest of your life.

4. Obesessing over counting calories.

5. Weighing in too frequently.

6. Not drinking enough water.

7. Drinking sugar-laden drinks.

8. Eating more bread, pasta and potatoes than proteins, lean meats, fruits and vegetables.

9. Consuming processed foods more often than fresh foods.

10. Taking the benefits away from vegetables by overcooking them.

11. Not having a plan.

12. Blaming others for your shortcomings.

13. Being quick to judge.

14. Not being aware of the nutritional benefits or detriments of what you consume.

15. Finishing every last bite of a meal, even after you are full.

16. Going back for seconds at meals.

17. Eating at "all-you-can-eat buffets" and consuming large amounts "to get your money's
worth."

18. Skipping breakfast.

19. Starving all day.

20. Bingeing after "falling off the wagon" and then waiting until "tomorrow" to get back on track.

21. Thinking you are genetically destined to be fat.

22. Not believing that you have the courage to change.

23. Confusing "fat" as a personality trait.

24. Thinking you are unattractive.

25. Not living each day to the fullest... thinking that will come when you are thinner.

26. Wasting time.

27. Not finishing tasks you begin.

28. Postponing tasks that need attention.

29. Rationalizing.

30. Thinking pills, powders or potions are more powerful than they really are in achieving weight loss.

31. Thinking of exercise as a chore, instead of a way to improve your health and your life. 32.
Not scheduling exercise as a vital part of your day and week.

33. Indulging excessively in alcohol.

34. Watching sports rather than participating in sports.

35. Watching too much television. 36. Not giving enough time to personal hygiene and
appearance.

37. Refusing to read self-improvement materials on a regular basis.

38. Giving up and resigning yourself to being "fat."

39. Finishing the food off of your family's plates while you are doing the dishes.

40. Tasting and nibbling on food while you are cooking it.

41. Baking cookies, pies and cakes more often than for holidays or very special occasions.

42. Always having candy in dishes, supposedly for guests, but eating more of it yourself.

43. Buying unhealthy snack items "for the kids," but eating some yourself.

44. Not having vegetables and/or fruit with each meal.

45. Serving more carbohydrates than any other food group for meals.

46. Thinking that "dieting" sprees -- and not total lifestyle change -- will garner lasting weight loss results.

47. Not visualizing yourself actually living and enjoying a healthy lifestyle.

48. Not taking vitamins and proper supplements.

49. Consuming fast foods on a regular basis.

50. Waiting for tomorrow to "get started" rather than RIGHT NOW! http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/cmi_378053

RANT RANT RANT

2005-09-01T16:13:00.000-04:00

I've tried to be smiles and sunshine all day but at some point the joints broke in my finely tuned engine of a mind I am so upset that I just paid 47.08 to fill up my 4 cylinder 13 gallon car tank!!!!!! WHAT I just got back from the bank and the gas is on the rise so I figure I'd better fill up before it goes up. I went to the pump and regular unleaded is at $3.29 *tear*. My goodness I'm thinking to myself this is crazy, well the last time I filled up it was 2.59 and I paid like 35.00 to fill up. So maybe this'll be like 38-40.00 to fill up. And as I sat there watching the meter. My gas was at 6.00 gallons and the tab was 20.00?!?! Since when has it taken 20 dollars to put six gallons of gas in the tank!! Then I get this email that says, so this is what our $2.60 per gallon pays for:

In case you're wondering where this hotel is, it isn't a hotel at all. It is a house! It's owned by the family of Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, the former president of the United Arab Emirates and ruler of Abu-Dhabi.

WAY to go BUSH "twirls finger in the air" anybody got a paddle so I can smack him in the head ? >:(

Running victory

2005-09-01T09:56:00.000-04:00

Today I got up this morning and did my normal run and I'm trying to stretch my runs to over 40 minutes because my doctor told me that running or any kind of cardio past 30 minutes goes into a fat burning mode. And since I've been in a sorta kinda plateau lately I switched my run up. I ran all the way around my neighborhood this morning and it was great!!!! There is a humongous hill where I live and I could never imagine running up that hill nonetheless walking up that hill and I did it today! Yay me! I don't even know why I hyped this hill up to be so much more than what it already is, I mean I run every other day up many many different hills but because this was one great big hill I made it into a mountain. I just made sure to pace myself and run up the hill and it was no sweat at all! so woopie I did thank you Jesus! After i ran I walked to cool down a little then sat for a minute then came in the house and as soon as I came into the house I prayed. I prayed for some relationship issues to be revived between me and God because I have been slacking and I mean REALLY slacking lately. I know the saying 'no prayer, no power' and I am not trying to be stuck in this area ESPECIALLY when prayer is my calling. I am an intercessor and it would make absolutely no sense for that to be my calling and I'm not praying. I dunno what happened to me where my intimacy was just lacking. I think I just have too much stuff on my plate that need to be put on the back burner for now because God always comes first.

Just a little something that I need to talk about

2005-08-19T16:22:00.000-04:00

I must admit I have been feeling quite blasé here lately. I felt like I just couldn't feel God near when praying and I haven't been reading as much but I'm working harder at getting back to maintaining my intimacy with the Lord. I was asking God the other day why I couldn't hear or feel him near me anymore recently and yesterday I was driving in my car listening to creflo dollar talking about some things and he mentioned intercourse and when was the last time that you had intercourse with the Lord? Meaning intimacy just spending time with the Lord. And mind yall I haven't heard nary a word from the Lord, I heard something right then saying when was the last time that you had intercourse with me? You say you don't feel me near but that's because you haven't taken the time to be intimate with me. I thought on that and I said okay I'm going to be more intimate and spend more time with God.

Last night I had a terrible dream that woke me up and I began to pray I went into my prayer closet and I kept hearing the same thing that I heard earlier while driving in my car. Early this morning I was extremely tired and didn’t feel like walking I tried rolling back over, but I kept hearing this little voice saying " now you know if you don't walk this morning your attitude is going to be messed up all day and your not gonna have any energy so you might as well do it." So I got up got dressed and headed out the door to find rain drizzling outside. So I was like man forget this and headed back into the house. Well as I got to my door it was like I wasn't even controlling it. I went and got a jacket with a hood and headed out.

It was lightning and thunder and everything but it was soooo calming. Crazy I know right. So the whole time I'm walking I could hear Israel Houghton's song called I'm going to another level the fast version as I was walking. It started raining a little harder and I was walking the whole time like, " okay I'm cutting my walk in half I'm not gonna do the whol 2.8-3.0 miles this morning but before I knew it I was singing that song in my head and just talking to God and I didn't even realize I was almost done with my walk. So as I get back to my house I noticed that it has stopped raining. TRIPPED ME OUT YALL!!!! I was like "wait it was JUST raining and HARD AT THAT lol. And I always do a cool down walk back and forth across the sidewalk before going in the house and I did that. But as I was walking over on my left side I looked in the sky and I could literally see some clouds breaking up and the sun was just shining through. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I just stood there I couldn't even move. On the right side of me was clouds complete darkness and a couple of flashes of lightning but on my right side the sun was shining through the clouds and it was so peaceful it was like I was in a transe I couldn't MOVE!!!! So I just stood there then I began to praise the Lord and I asked God what all of this was supposed to mean and I'm still waiting on the answer but I thank him for that little bit of reassurance that he is there!

Also a small NSV that is a bit off topic: My butt is coming back yeah baby!!!! Don't call it a comeback it's been here for years *snapping fingers to LL's 'mam said knock you out' LOL. Yes I have begun noticing the formation of a round dairy aire to my surprise. Weight training is really doing the trick! I took a couple of side shot pictures and posted it on my website LOL. You see when I hit 200 lbs my butt just majically disappeared :O I don't know what happened but it did it was GONE! And of course my cousin was the first person to point it out to me "rolls eyes" LOL but anyways I'm doing better. I'm asking God for the answer to so many questions and I'm also continuing to persevere and lose this weight. I know this was like a two sided post but sometimes my mind just works like that LOL. Well until next time...Have a great weekend!!

Water Winners

2005-08-17T10:13:00.000-04:00

For some odd reason my bladder was on overload yesterday. Man I was peeing like a racehorse ALL DAY yesterday. I don't understand why though because I drink 128 oz a day maybe about 80 oz on a bad day and I've been doing this since like May consistantly.
It's not like I am going through the first stages of the flushing and toxin removal and retention release thingy, atleast I don't think so. I have been on a MAJOR plateau here lately so maybe it was releasing some water retention or something? I dunno even when I work out I'm sweating like CRAZY! I mean I sweat and it's no biggie but now when I work out I litterally have to take my glasses off and clean them during the workout because I have big ole water drops of sweat on my lenses lol . Shoot, just this morning I pulled out my running gear and felt bad because they were still soak and wet from when I took them off yesterday. I'm a little embarassed to admit it but I put the sweaty wet clothes on and went for my morning walk anyways .I hope I am dropping some water weight or sumthin cause this plateau thing is killing me!!

Oh yeah and a quick update! Yesterday was Little Quincy's first football game... well it was a scrimage but it was his first. And he was in the starting lineup!!! Go Stink Go Stink (that's my nickname for my baby). The Tigers won their game and they did good. Shoot they were running that field, and get this they were playing against kids 1-2 years older than them. My Cousins son was a beast on the field and lil Quincy did good with blocking too. He even get a chance to do some relief Quarterback on one play! WTG baby! Mommy's proud of you. Here's a couple of pictures of my little man in his shining glory.

Stuck Stuck Stuck!!!!

2005-08-16T14:01:00.000-04:00

Okay so I had to be brutally honest with myself last night and I came across my weightloss measurements journal that I keep in the house. And as I sat there I thought, " Man I don't want to record my inches or weight because #1 I'd just eaten a hearty meal so I knew that the weight would definitely record the food sitting in my belly and #2 my inches seem to be at a standstill." But I figure the only way to get past this major plateau is to do it and do it now and then look back on all of this. If anyone that reads my blogs knows my story I have pictures of me at my highest weight and I have pictures of me right now. You can clearly see a difference in my pictures and I wear a smaller size in clothing but I'm not satisfied because I'm not where I should be I feel in a word "Stuck".

With clear evaluation I can honestly say it was Memorial Day weekend that the plateau started. It seemed after memorial day weekend there was a bbq almost every other weekend. First there was memorial day, Then there was Fathers Day, then there was the 4th of July, then my husbands family on his father's side throughs a family reunion picnic, then for absolutely no reason a friend throws a bbq just because it's a beautiful day and hey why not invite everyone over for some Que? And last but not least was the most recent Church Picnic BBQ. It didn't sink in until the Church picnic that I could eat just a little bbq and then play all day like a big Kid. My mindset really was as I said in my last post. I would get up in the morning and I wouldn't eat anything all day so as to have some room in my belly cause when we'd get to the BBQ it would be time to throw down! I'm not talking a nice little plate either I'm talking helpings too big to even think about measuring and then having to carry two plates to keep everything on. I'd have my on one plate hamburger, chicken, mett, and maybe porkchop and my sides like potato salad, baked beans, green Beans, corn on the cob and corn bread or rolls on another plate. And the other sides that I missed I'd go back and get them after I finished what I had. Then once my stomach has settled a tidbit (or so I think) I'll go up and get a paper plate full of desert. Then all of the grownups would sit around stuffed to the brim and tired, sleepy tired from being so full joking around and watching the kids play. maybe break out a cards game or dominoes or checkers and turn the music up and get a little two step in but that's about it! It honestly didn't hit me until This last picnic that I was destroying everything that I had worked hard to achieve with this weightloss by having a 'free day' and then wondering why I can't get the weight off.

Well now that I've evaluated that I feel as if I'm back at square one. I got on the scale last night and it read 258.2! To be honest I fluctuate between 253-255-257 daily depending on what time of day I get on the scale so it wasn't anything that made me want to run to the nearest gun shop and go kill myself LOL. It was just very disappointing. So I pulled out my tape measure and my measurements are the exact same as and in a couple of places higher than they were back in May 2005 right before the plateau so in a good sense i'm staying the same size but in my opinion I'm going in the WRONG direction. I pulled out some of my fitness mags and started looking for inspiration and as of late I have been getting more serious about strength training to melt some fat and tone as I lose. So I pulled out the infamouse Oxygen (awesome mag) magazine and reread an old article. And I remember having a talk with a coworker and him recommending me doing the Body For Life Program and Going Low Carb or No Carb to get past the plateau. I started considering going to the library and picking up the book and analyzing it and trying to decide if that's what I want to do.
See, my whole focus when I began changing my lifestyle of eating was to NOT subscribe to any form of diet but instead to do it in a healthy way and in my way without having to jot everything down, and avoid nutricious and healthy foods ie, Going into a low carb High protien, or lowfat high carb or whatever type of diet. I've done the no carb diet before and it was litterally terrible. I was weak, I had major mood swings, I lost 10lbs in 1 week but I gained double as soon as I stopped dieting and I just don't think my body can take that all over again besides, My body needs Carbs because I run and the carbs give me tons of endurance and my energy stores are utlized. But still I was considering doing this, I considered it so much so that I ended up packing a low carb lunch today and I already have a headache LOL. I went into one of my friends fotki album's SxFtMahgnyCurvs and she had an article about the atkins diet that has charged me to rethink my options. I really don't like structured weightloss programs. I like to do it myself and make healthy changes but I honestly can't get past the 250 barrier as of late. I'm praying for answers but right now I just really don't know what to do. I got in a 34 minute run this morning and I'll be working out on lunch as usual but I'm still stuck. If I come up with any answers I'll be sure to update and post it for you guys. Well that's my blog rant for the day LOL. until next time God Bless you and God keep you!

P.S. And oh yeah there is another Picnic going on this weekend for my husbands mother's side, they are having a family reunion! Pray for me yall!

Nikki

Weekend picnic

2005-08-15T09:57:00.000-04:00

Okay so I've officially posted my blog on NP.com and I am hoping to get some readers so I guess I need to start updating this thing regularly cause people will be checking in on me HAHA. Well as for my weekend it was pretty cool. We had a church picnic and it was REALLY hot but you know I thought I was cute with my new jeans on and my oversize tee with my grandmother and granddaddy on it. I figure what's the point of getting super cute and buying a new outfit when eventually I may get pinged with a water ballon or get some bbq sauce on my shirt(which I did) plus as a new adoption to this healthy active way of life a sista was playing like a big ole kid out there. i was tossing the football trying to rally up some adults to play kickball(some obliged others kept putting it off so that was a bust), and playing volleyball (boooo kickball would've been lots more fun). It was great because there were alot of growups out there playing with the kids like kids LOL. I guess I never noticed it before cause I'd usually be running up to the table going for my second plate or third plate of helpings or drinking my 5th mountain dew or Pepsi for the day LOL. I love being active I was sweaty as pig and prolly funky as one too but so what so was everybody else. It was like 90 something degrees outside with smodlering heat (atleast it felt like it lol) and to be completely honest gas costs to much for me to be turning my air on when we could just get a nice breeze flowing into the car. I kept thinking like this: Okay going into air conditioning then turnging around and coming back outside into the heat just makes coping with the heat so much worse!!! It's better to just stay in the element get used to it and enjoy it while it lasts. I remember thinking about my days as a child. No matter what the temperature I could go outside and play all day with the exception of coming in the house to pee or get some water and the weather NEVER bothered me one bit. But as I became an adult and got a little lazy and fell in love with air conditioning and heat I just couldn't go outside because it was just too hot or too cold to be out in that mess. NOW i see going out and staying in the element and having fun regardless makes it all worthwhile. And yes I was outside rocking my jeans like a pro and my big old tee shirt. I wore the jeans in 90 degree weather because whenever I wear shorts I get bit up like I'm the new pricey steak on the menu for moskitoes LOL. But however. I had an awesome time!!! We joked we played we had a really good time and I think all enjoyed themselves. I was more proud of myself for staying active and not going back up to the table for seconds and thirds more than anything else. Because then I'd have come home crying because I ate too much and now I have to work all this food off LOL. Now that I've figured this active during picnic thing out I wish I could've put it into practice earlier this summer and then maybe I wouldn't be at this stupid plateau that I'm in right now, but that's another blog.

Oh OH!!! And guess what? There was a table full of cake, cinnamon rolls, cookies, brownies, and all kinds of sweets and ya girl didn't eat one bit!!! HA HA! I can resist temptation! Instead I went and grabbed a watermelon that for some odd reason everyone seemed to ignored and I cut a slice of that ate it and was on my way until i became the "please cut me a piece of watermelon" lady LOL. Yeah I got suckered into that one. And so as not to be called to do anything else as far as cutting watermelons or getting somebody a plate I resorted to playing LOL. Okay well that was my exciting blog for the weekend. Good times and great laughter. oh yeah and here's a pic of the outfit I had on for the picnic. pants size 18 woohoo!

I ran my first 5K!!!!

2005-08-08T09:40:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday August 6, 2005 I ran my first actual 5K Yayyy me!!!! Thank you Jesus. I remember when I first started running I never thought that within a year I'd be able to run a 5k which is the equivalent of 3.1 miles. Shoot it was an accomplishment to make it to 1 mile yall should've seen me when I made it to one mile. I was jumping around and just praising the Lord. I know people thought that I looked crazy or probably was crazy but I didn't care, I had never been able to run that far. Even in highschool in track and field I could never do a complete 4 laps without having side stitches and feeling like passing out so when I made that milestone I was on cloud 9!
Now I've completed a 5k and you know what I'm going to continue to run 5K races. I had a really great time, the runners were so nice it was scary I mean at the mile markers there were actually people on the sideline encouraging us and tell us to keep going. There was a set of runners then there was a set of walkers. At the start of the race I was at the front of the runners and when the gun went off we began running and everyone began passing me up LOL. So i made a mental note *next time start somewhere in the Back of the line so as to refrain from embarassment* HAHA. but it was no big deal because I wasn't there to win the race I was there to see if I could do it. And believe me honey I was passed up by everyone LOL. I was the last runner to cross the finish line in 41:20 minutes, and actually got passed up by some speed walkers LOL, but I was still on cloud 9! it began pouring down raining and believe me honey I got drenched!!! So much so that I had to take off my glasses and put them in my pocket LOL But I kept going. And not one time did I stop running and start walking like some of the other women were doing, I ran the whole thing. I was so proud of myself that I was able to do it.

There was one thing that I was wondering about though, When we were almost finished and had about 2 meters to run My back began to tighten up a little and there was pressure in my upper back, I wonder what that was all about maybe I was working some musles and had a little tension? I dunno? Anyways it was a great! We got poured down on but it was still great My kids ran a lil bug kids run and got to participate in alot of fun activities. unfortunately hubby had to work so he wasn't able to make it but he was very proud of me. I give all glory honor and credit to God. And I thank God for putting the words in my head: The race is not given to the swift, neither the battle to the strong, but to him that endureth to the end. The whole time I ran that's all I though I'm enduring I'm doing it and That's what matters. Maybe next year my speed will be alot faster, when I lose some more weight. But until then I will continue to endure. Thank you Jesus!!!!

Septemeber 28th 2004 I made a decision to lose weight and be healthy with God's help and so far I've lost 55 lbs, I also decided to give this running thing a try cause it seemed that every runner I saw out on the road were fairly petite and small and I figured that must be the best way to lose weight. Plus that fact that I used to be a sprinter and shot put and discus champ in school I figured hey hopefully I can do this. I started running at 305lbs and I would run 30 seconds and walk 3 minutes then run again and to me those 30 seconds would just about kill me I'd be spitting up phlegm every 2-3 minutes or so. Then the more I ran the longer it was like my body was getting used to the running and it got a little easier. There was no more spitting, and my breathing began evening out. Then I went to a running store to buy some runners and I recieved tips from a rep in a running store that helped me out 60% in my endurance and my form when running. I slowed down with the running in the winter months because I was terrified to go outside and run on slippery surfaces and so I went to the gym and just walked. Then when the spring whether began to break in March-April I got back into the swing of things as far as running outside and such and began gaining endurance and here I am in August able to run a 3.1 mile race. Praise GOd!! okay well until I report next time be blessed!

I'm back

2005-07-29T10:49:00.000-04:00

Vacation was GREAT and very much needed. I relaxed, I related, i released LOL. My eating did go out of control I must admit. And it seemed everything down there was fried my goodness. But i did make sure to eat when hungry and stop when full and drink my water I was proud of that fact, and I actually went to the fitness room and worked out hey now go nikki!

When I came back My eating habits were still a bit messy but they have been cleaned up now. I am not getting back on the scale until next saturday just because I don't wanna know if I lost or gained yet. i coincidentally jumped on the scale the other day and it read 250 so I was ecstatic but I am still determineed to not get back on the scale until next saturday. i have been walking 2.5-3.0 miles in the morning and running for 30 minutes on the treadmill at lunchtime and I love it. I can feel the difference I feel much lighter and stronger so I'm happy. God has been doing a mighty work in my life and I love it, i am growing spiritually and I can see it in my daily walk. Well I don't feel too longwinded today so that's the gist of my blog for today.

Happy birthday to me!!!!!!!

2005-07-12T16:46:00.000-04:00

happy birfday to me
happy birfday to me
I made my goal of fitting into an 18...........
so happy birfday TOOOO MEEEEEEEE "squeaky high pitched note"
:D

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I may not be a thin mint yet but baby I'm getting there!!!

As i look back over my life and I think about where God has brought me from.......from abuse, lies, deceit, drug(weed) habit, drinking problem, and my biggest hurdle--to instantly stop a SERIOUS cigarette habit, Going from being a young mother(18) to a college graduate working in the field that I always wanted and HAPPILY married, from feeling insecure to being able to TRULY love myself, and from having no mother raise me(daddy and grandma did it) to be a star mommy (pats self on the back), my soul truly and surely cries out Hallelujah!!!
you can't tell me that God isn't good. He's done too much for me that I know I couldn't have done for myself, and I thank you Jesus for your love and patience(with me).

And i especially thank you Jesus for opening my eyes to accept and love and show off my beautifully created wonderful NATURAL NAPPY HAIR AMEN!!

This morningI woke up late and was rushing out for my run and as soon as I opened my bedroom door my hubby and son were singing happy birthday to me LOL. Well my hubby was singing and my son was half asleep mumbling and rubbing his eye. Hubby said he couldn't wake my daughter up she sleeps too hard . But that made me smile and I felt better and pushed harder on the run LOL. Then when I got back in the house and relaxed a bit and then got the kids up and dressed and ready to go, I went into my room to get dressed and as I did my son came into my room and stood in front of me and put on his bravest face and sung the whole happy birthday song to me. My heart melted yall I couldn't help it that is my BABY!! then he said I love you mommy and gave me a hug then went back in his room. My daughter oblivious to whatever was painting her toes in her room getting ready to go but she did tell me happy birthday when I dropped them off at the babysitters. unfortunately we're too broke to do anything adventourous or celebratory so we'll just head out to prayer service tonight. Besides I'm going on vacation next week to Myrtle Beach (crossing fingers and praying that another hurricane DOES NOT HAPPEN), so that's my birthday present.

Their god is in their stomach

2005-07-01T08:42:00.000-04:00

Philippians 3: 18-20
For, as I have told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, The Lord Jesus Christ who by the powerthat enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Praise God for a vision into what I don't want to do. Romans 12:2 says be not conformed to the ways of this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. This is a spiritual thing yall. It really is. I pray for more members of the body of Christ to have open eyes and see that their is too much obesity in the Body because we spend too much time making our stomachs our god. Lusting after food all day long, eagerly awaiting the next potluck, or reception, or banquet to get our eat on.

And lets not get on the old school Sunday after church dinners that are so famous in the Black American households. I know because I am victim to it. Well, As of now I WAS victim to it. From now on my stomach will not be my god anymore. I cannot serve two masters, only one. The stomach god has to go and the REAL GOD, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has to reign supreme. I know that salvation is a process and I thank God for opening up my knowledge and getting understanding on this. It's about living long enough to see the salvation and glory of the Lord and i want to be the healthiest me that I can be while seeking that. I don't want to be victim to High Blood Pressure, Diabetes, hypo or hyperglycemia, Hypo or hyperthyroidism(already have), high Cholestoral, High Cancer risk, Fibromagalia, Lymphoma, or anything else that I can prevent. It's time to stand upon the solid rock for guidance. I guarantee that every single need for everyday people is covered in the bible. I was searching for scriptures to support losing weight in the bible a couple of years ago and could find none, atleast none that I thought were valid because I was searching in my flesh for answers. It took really tapping into God and seeing things from a spiritual point of view to open my mind up and find the appropriate scriptures for this journey. Okay well, I'm sounding off for now. See ya!

Spiritual Things

2005-06-27T16:51:00.000-04:00

After going through and checking out some other weightloss sites and just doing a basic review of my own regimen and where I am spiritually I had to take a sit down and just evaluate myself. I have been struggling lately spiritually because I was so focused on the weightloss. Therefore I am taking a timeout and getting my relationship together with the Lord and reconciling to where I was before this FLESH took over. I was getting up 6 o'clock in the morning and getting a brisk wonderful run in and not praying and interceding for others as the Lord prompted me to do.

When I get off of work I never get a chance to sit down because My new babysitter lives 45 minutes away from my job so by the time i get home it's time to go to our churches evening services in which I cannot miss them because I am on the praise and worship team and so I open up the services with my sisters and I am a bible study teacher so missing is not an option. Some nights I wouldn't even see the comfort of my own home until 9:30pm and I get off of work at 5. Well if I don't come home until 9:30pm then that means I don't eat until 10 o'clock and the kids have to eat so do my husband. This is not even taking into account that my daughter is in Cheerleading and my son just finished up teeball(Thank you Jesus). So even in between home and church I'm dropping the kids off at practice and blah blah blah. Needless to say the only time I have to workout is in the Mornings before my day starts. Well I'm right now in a place where i feel as if I have no control and i know that God comes first and i tithe my time everymorning to him but I have been neglecting him lately. I do get in prayer time but my early morning worship is where I need to be back at. The Lord has given me some instruction as to where I need to be right now so I am basically sitting and listening to whatever it is that he wants me to do. I don't want to neglect my family and home for the sake of church programs but I receive my strength and healing and my God time in the fellowship of the saints and afterall The Lord gave the command, forsake ye not to assemble yourselves. It's all for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God and the edification of the Body of Christ. So as of right now I will blog but maybe not as much....well it's not like anyone responds anyways LOL.

So in short I am taking time out for a sabbatical to spend with my Lord and sit in the secret place and obtain guidance and direction under the shadow of the almighty. I'll be back to report soon but for now I am keeping my mind on the spiritual things.

Victory over the scale

2005-06-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

I can fit a size 18 in pants bottoms. OKay let me set the scene lol:I went to Ashley Stewarts to grab a pair of jeans or capris because I've been wearing the same 1 pair of jeans for the last 2 years LOL I know don't laugh at me guys. But anyways, I went to grab a pair of jeans mind you TOM has arrived and I grabbed a size 20 although I thought it would be too tight for me since last week I gained 5 lbs although I have upped my workout schedule and added weights. Anyways I grabbed a size 20 and a size 18 and thought maybe I'll make the 18's some goal capris well it turns out the 20's were looking a little frumpy on me and also a little loose. Well I put on the 18's and they were a perfect fit!!!!! wooohoooo I also noticed another thing My BUTT IS COMING BACK Praise the LORD!!!! My hubby noticed it before but this was my first time noticing this . I also noticed in the dreaded dressing room mirror that I have a gazillion stretch marks which was a bit disturbing until I thought about......the stretch marks that I see are formerly stretched out marks which means I am shrinking HAHA!! It wasn't so bad looking at my fat in the mirror this time either because I can see it coming down. I'm telling yall I could start praising God right now!Hallelujah, Thank you Jesus for discipline!!!

I did this morning's run in about 26 minutes for a 2.0 miler. I have some steep hills in this route that i run so I am definitely getting a good workout in. I want to do intervals but don't know how as I run by myself and don't know who to interval train against LOL. Anyways yayy for the victory.

.

2005-06-16T10:01:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I called off of work because my son had terrible bite marks all over his skin that he'd scratched holes through. I have no idea what is biting him because he is in the house before it even looks to be dark outside so It's not mosquitoes. I think he is getting bit while sleeping in his bed because for the past 2 nights he's been getting up and sleeping in our bed. I took the kids to the emergency room at the hospital and noticed that they have a scale so i decide to hop on it and bright as day the screen reads 257.2. man what am I doing wrong? I run 2 miles every morning I workout on my lunch sometimes and I try to plan my meals and eat right. All last week I ate extremely clean and at first the scale registered a 2 lb loss but as soon as I stepped on it again it read 255.0 I just don't get this. It's very frustrating but I'm not quitting. The thing that really gets me is even when I overeat it's with healthy stuff!! Not trash but veggies and fruit and wheatables!!! AAARRGHHHH. I am not getting on the scale again for a long time because it just messes me up when there is no loss. I know that the last time I did this was in January. I just stopped losing weight it was like at a standstill then after about 2 months there was a BIG loss of about 20 lbs. Hey maybe that's what's going on I dunno? But whatever the problem I need help!!! I don't wanna gain all that weight back!I kept thinking maybe it's muscle but I know that muscle melts fat right? Welll why ain't no fat melting off of me? I think I want to make an appointment with a doctor or a weight trainer to have my body fat measured to see how much lean muscle I contain.

Plateaurama

2005-06-13T09:46:00.000-04:00

Okay so I jump on the scale saturday and it reads 253.6 Woohoo right? I'm happy not as happy as if I'da gotten back down to 252.8 which was the orginal weight before the dreaded memorial day week. And yes i said week and not day because I completely self sabotaged all week long. Foe what reason I have no Idea. I was not stress, depressed, or possessed so why was I eating like a maniac? hmmm I'll have to research that one. Anyways I get on the scale and it says 253.6 then I get back on the scale a little later in the day to make sure that I'm not tripping and guess what it reads? 255.0!!!! WHAT why is that! Then I say to myself, "okay you are not going to obsess over the scale so I get the tape measure and for some odd reason my measurements are not going down but are going up? What gives. I mean the numbers didn't drastically go up they only went up like about an 1/8 of an inch but man I have been working my butt off and I just don't understand this. So I leave the scale alone and I continue to do my exercising and every now and then I look into the mirror and my face and shoulders look as if their shrinking so I am happy. Today I decided to up my mileage from 1.6 miles to 2.0 miles a day totaling 10 miles in a 5 day week. i ran today and did pretty good I ran the 2 miles in 25:38 so that's about a 12 minute mile. Hopefully this will shock my body into dropping some fat and poundage and gaining some lean muscle. If this Saturday i happen to weigh in and am still at 255.0 I am making a doctors appointment. I have hypothyroidism so I wonder if that is what's stalling my progress? Whatever the case may be this weight is coming off, the healthy way ofcourse but I am getting thoroughly upset about this. My scale will not throw me off track, I am stronger then I have ever been right now so I will look at that as a serious accomplishment. I used to not be able to run more than 100 meters without a sid stitch and now I'm running MILES okay??? That is a major accomplishment!! I have another goal dress to work my way into and I;m taking this one day at a time so pray for me yall I can't take doing all this working out and seeing no results besides feeling stronger. I am going to stay consistent though. My hubby doesn't get a chance to workout lately but he eats the same as always, check this out he goes to workout for one day and loses weight! What gives. Well today will be a better day if I have anything to say about it!

I did 3 miles today!!!

2005-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

WOOHOO GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! Thank you Jesus! I just hit a milestone this morning guys I did 3 whole miles. I ran 2 miles straight out on a neighborhood loop and I walk/jogged the 3rd mile and I did it all in 39:10 minutes. First mile was ran in 12:40 and the second mile was ran in 11:30 and the 3rd mile I Walk/jogged in about 16 minutes. It would've been faster had I ran that whole 3rd mile but I want to pace myself in running I don't want to burn out too fast on this. I am on top of the world today guys I feel great!! I had a loss as well in my weight so that's always a plus but I'm more happy that i was able to push myself to run that far. My weght as of today is 253.6 which is down 2 lbs from last week. But anyhoo, I remember looking at people running when i would go walking and I'd say that's gonna be me one day. As soon as I lose this weight I'm gonna be running and chatting with my running buddies, but now I CAN run and I do run, I didn't have to wait until I lost weigt I am doing it now. unfortunately I don't have anyone to run with but I may check out a few running spots in the future and meet and greet one day I dunno but anyhoo hooray for me and thanks you guys so much for your encouragement! Oh yes and another thing I never wrote about in here although I don't know why is my new george formean grill. It is the BOMB I could kiss that bald headed boxer if I wasn't married because he patented the perfect invention! Go George Foreman! woohoo I'm on top of the world!

Much Better

2005-06-07T15:49:00.000-04:00

Today is much better. I got up this morning and took a walk instead of a run in which the walk took longer with the same distance than the run did so I guess I am actually gaining speed in my runs LOL. Walking is soooo much harder than jogging. My calves were actually a little sore at the end of the workout. But I'm cool. I have it set what foods to eat and how to go about spacing them out. Over the past week I broke alot of my golden rules and that is how I know that the poundage came back on. I went out to eat 3 times last week. I ate when I was bored instead of finding something constructive to do. I ate late at night instead of sticking to my regimen of nothing after nine. I went to sleep alot later than usual which would cause me not to wanna get up and run let alone pray in the morning. I've been drinking all kinds of pop and juice instead of water and tea, and my pinching while cooking was ridiculous! I even tried closet eating last week, as if it would fool myself!!! How stupid :doh: I am gaging my weightloss efforts against no one but myself, so there really was no need to closet eat or sabotage. I have taken the handles gotten deeper in my bible study and I feel the wheels turning back towards the right things. I have also figured out that drinking a ton of water decreases your appetite and that's how I stop from overeating (duh, right?) I am in control today and I plan on staying this way With the help of the LORD. Thank you Jesus!

here to report

2005-06-06T23:23:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend I weighed in and I already knew that there was going to be a gain. There was no denying it. My eating was out of control and I wasn't even exercising. I got on the scale and it read 255.0!!! Okay be calm, breathe evenly.....that's what I tell myself and I say okay Your going to stay disciplined. Only eat when your hungry and stop when your full. This is what I tell myself. But I just can't keep it together. I will take control of this eating demon, I will bind up the strong man of my flesh in Jesus name!!! I went running this morning but by the time I got back in the house I was so pooped from my run I sat down in front of the fan and almost went to sleep LOL. I went to workout on my lunch but I feel like my working out is useless if I keep feeding myself like a pig or a starving ethiopian. I've been pinching off of food while cooking and snacking ALL day LONG I just don't understand why I'm doing this but it's time to go into bible study and get some answers from my Daddy Abba. I need help in this thing. I'm doing so well I can't sabotage myself I refuse to. I will stay in this, I will be a testimony through this test. I will rededicate my mind, body, and soul to becoming the healthiest me that I can be!!! Lord help me to control my portion distortion and eating only when hungry and stopping when satisfied. Well Off to bed I Go. I'll see ya later!

Yayy for me I did it.

2005-06-02T06:48:00.000-04:00

Just an update from yesterday. I went on my lunch and got my workout in and felt much better the rest of the day.I'm back in the race and I'm not giving up and I still realize that the hardest thing about working out or running is starting. Starting is the hardest thing to do. Once you get started and keep at it for 1 full minute/ 60 seconds your hooked and you don't wanna stop. I guess I was agonizing over it when all I really needed to do was to be like Nike and Just do it. Well i did it and I feel much better.
I finally got up and took a wonderful run. My times are getting faster and faster. My last recorded run was 1.6 miles in 21:39 today it is down to 20:52. Woohoo I am shaving my time off by second. And also I have to walk up 3 flights of stairs to get to my apartment and I did that after running no sweat, so this is just awesome. I'm just waiting for the Rocky song to play so I can jump around with my hands up in the air LOL.

UUUGGGHHH what is wrong with me?

2005-06-01T08:50:00.000-04:00

I'm doing alright over this way I think LOL. I am sooooo tired today I was so sluggish this morning it was hard to pray, walk, get the kids together this morning, everythang LOL. I took a cold rag to my face, mouthwash and everything. I took my vitamins this morning and everything but I just cannot get into the swing of things. I broke down this morning and have a cappucino in front of me. I haven't drunk coffee, or cappucino or hot chocolate since January!! And I was a coffeeaholic LOL. I had to cut it out cause of acid reflux. I pray this doesn't get addictive, No it won't get addictive I have control over this. I'm just wondering why I can't shake this tiredness that I have. I was like this yesterday too. This morning I had my running attire set out in front of me but I was so sleepy I couldn't even rise to get it. I hate this stupid dangon flesh. While it was weak my spirit should've been willing my big lazy butt to get up off of the couch!!! Ugghh I am so sick with myself I haven't ran in like 4 days. And I know when I finally get up the nerve to do it it's gonna be twice as hard. I hate this time of month my hormones are all out of wack my eating habits have been a mess as well and I'm not talking about pigging out on sweets either, I've just been eating to be eating. I am so disgusted with my undisciplined behavior these past couple of days. But I'm going to get it together. With the Holy Ghost as my witness, I will get this togeva!!! Other than that I'm doing well? I'm in need of some inspiration so I'm heading off to get some breakfast in the book of psalms. David I need your help brotha!

The weight is coming down

2005-05-30T09:37:00.000-04:00

I've been exercising consitently and eating pretty clean and went to weigh myself Saturday morning and I weighed in at 252.8 lbs. That's 3.8 pounds down from last week. That's a good thing!! I usually weigh myself in at the beginning of the day and that was the weight that showed up. Then after cleaning the house and moving around alot I jumped back on the scale and it read 250.3 But I'll accept the higher weight right now. There's only one problem Today is Memorial Day and there are many BBQ's going on that my family was invited to and it's that time of the month. AHHHHHH!!! What's a girl to do. I am praying for God to give me discipline for the opast two days because we've been running around so much I've only eat once a day and that's it, so today I know that I need more small snacks instead of one big meal. I've been doing my workout tapes and dvds instead of running the past 3 mornings but atleast I'm staying active right? I still feel a little guilty because I haven't been running but tomorrow morning it's gonna be on like popcorn. I'm gonna run to my hearts content then tell you about it LOL. Well until then pray me blessings from God on eating discipline.

excuse me while I do my victory dance LOL

2005-05-26T09:11:00.000-04:00

Guess what?!?! i ran the WHOLE 1.6 miles today in 21:39 yippee yahoo!!!! I was so ecstatic that I could actually do it. It was still early about 5:58am when I went out and the moon was still high in the sky while the sun was rising and it was beautiful! I was just watching the moon while I ran and taking in my surroundings. Oh yeah my father drove past me running on his way to work and I waved at him. I know he was looking like, " okay when did she start running?" LOL Not alot of people know that I have been running. I don't tell everybody cause I don't like to look like I'm bragging about it. But I am sooooo happy I did it!1 I ran the WHOLE thing. I remember someone telling me a while ago that after you've hit your first mile the running gets alot easier, your breathing evens out and your muscles loosen up and your body is relaxed, I actually felt that today. In the beginning I run uphill so it is kind of hard but once I get past that 1 mile mark I'm easy breezing, floating through the run. I want to keep working at the route that I have for atleast another 2 weeks and see if I can up my time or maybe go a little farther as I keep going. All i could think about was information that I got on 3fatchicks.com about running and you only need to stop running when two things occur: when your legs are about to give out on you, or when your lungs feel like they will shut down. I remembered that and for the times when I was going to stop running and start walking I thought about that and as far as I could see my lungs were working just fine and my legs were going strong. I just put one foot in front of the other and repeat, lift those knees to pick up speed. That's what i did and I felt great I have been feeling great since I got up this Morning. Shoot God is good and anyone that denies that is crazy, my personal opinion. God has brought me so far in my life I don't know where I would be right now if it weren't for his amazing grace. Thank you Lord for the fruit of Self-control Galatians 5:22-24 NIV. Discipline and devotion to the Lord has brought me this far now all I can say is, "Whatcha gonna do today Lord?"

Wow check me out.

2005-05-25T09:41:00.000-04:00

Okay so yesterday I got up early in the morning and worked out because it was my off day. I run one day and do aerobics and weight training on my inbetween days. I got a good work out in that I am actually feeling the effects of today LOL. I got up to get dressed and pulled out a size 18 skirt that a family member that lost weight had given me back in November and surprisingly it slid right up over my hips and my awful saddlebags and it looked great on me *smiling hard* I went to throw on a once too little shirt that fits just right now to go with it and I just stood in the mirror and looked at myself. I am finally getting my hourglass shape back!!! woohoo I just stood there and smiled. My face and neck are going down. I am actually starting to get a neckline yippee!! I just look in the mirror sometimes and wonder how in the world did I let myself go to that extent? Oh well no need to cry over spilled milk. Time to keep on moving. I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me because I was able to fit into a size 18 skirt so I went through my closet pulling out old size 18 clothes that I have and guess what they all fit!!!! Woohooo. Just to be safer I do still have a couple of size 22 clothes and 20 clothes around but I got rid of most of my size 24 and 3x clothing. I went to get a shirt from walmart to wear to be in uniform this past friday and picked up a 16/18 shirt just to see how it fit and it fit well, it was a little snug on my rolls but that's okay I'll be there in no time. I made a resolve that I would be back this week when I got paid to get the size 18 version of that shirt. I thank God because now that I am losing weight I can start buying more solid shirts. I'm so sick of buying patterns I just want a normal shirt. The shirt showed off my curves and everything. Also I think i was accidentally in big girl denail because I went to kmart to get a nightie and I bought a strawberry shortcake oversized pajama shirt in a 2x instead of the regular one size fits most cause I thought it wouldn't fit me and I bought some 2x pajama pants. Those things are falling off of me!!! woohoo The oversized shirt gives oversized a whole new meaning LOL.

I was tripping because I went to use the restroom before hopping into the shower and noticed that my skin looks like zebra stripes!!! Yikes i didn't even know I'd had strech marks in certain areas. My skin is justa hangin but I know with exercise it will tighten up, I pray. My neck even has strectch marks how weird is that? The dark spots in between my thighs are lighting up and they don't rub half as much as they used to. Great!! I'm just in awe of the changes that my body is making but I also need to find a remedy to cover up all of these stretch marks quick. i also have dark spots in particular areas too. I have heard something about scrubbing dark spots with lemon juice and it will lighten the spots I sure hope that works. I 'll do some research on it and check it out. and let you know if I come across anything. Oh yeah I'm currently reading Diary of a Fat housewife by Rosemary Green and she has me in stitches this book is great!

I just made a milestone in running!!

2005-05-23T06:31:00.000-04:00

Okay so i went out for my normal morning run and because I'd been running a particular route for about a week i wanted to switch up and run up the hill first. I ran up the hill and it was hard believe me but I just had to keep telling myself that all you have to do it put one foot in front of the other. I run extremely slow because I am overweight for one and I don't want to run out of energy really fast i want the runs to last. Well guess what? I ran almost the WHOLE route!! I usually try to run one mile of the route and sometimes I make it and sometimes i don't/ I usually run out of gas at about 9 to 11 minutes. Today the Lord must've been in my ears pushing me cause I ran for 17:30!!!! Woohoo my whole route usually takes about 23 minutes. I finished today in 22! I am soooo happy yall I really am!!! Glory to God this weight is coming off in Jesus name!! I just cannot believe that I just ran outside pounding the pavement for a whopping 17 minutes. On the treadmill I can run for about 30 minutes but outside I had no endurance whatsoever. Thank you Lord I can run! My morning route is about 1.6 miles.

I passed the test

2005-05-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

Yesterday when i got home from work I only had time to cook for the family and get ready to leave to get to church for prayer service. I am on the praise team so it's good for me to get there early.

Well I went into the house and for a change I turned on the cd player popped in Papa San and started washing dishes and preparing the food. Usually when I get home from work I'm too tired to clean and cook knowing I only have 1 1/2 hours till I leave to go to church. But while the music was playing I left the TV off and danced around my living room cleaning and preparing dinner. Dinner was excellent. Homemade tacos and burritos(no bean) and tossed salad. Well I made every ones plates and by the time I got to my own plate I only had about 5 minutes to eat it. I got pretty full and by the time I finally sat down I turned the tv on so everyone could watch and I ate. Well I couldn't finish my salad as a matter of fact I only took 2 bites. of my salad then put it up and rushed out of the door. I ate 3 tacos and 2 burritos. I know that was alot but I was really hungry and I didn't do any pinching or tasting while I was cooking which is a absolutely AWESOME!!!! I was sooo disciplined. I told myself that I'd put my salad up and eat it when I get home and be satisfied. Well we didn't get home until close to 10:30 and I put the salad up until todays lunch...YAYYYYY FOR ME!!!! I resisted the temptation and I drunk a large glass of water. My DH was of NO help. On the way home he decides to stop at wendy's and get everyone a frosty. I told him that he could have mines Kudos for more discipline :D i didn't give in to the fast food. I am trying to stay away from fast food as much as I possibly can. Thank you Lord for giving me discipline :D. I can't wait until my weigh in tomorrow I pray it's good. I got up this morning and jog/walked my 1.6 miles in 22 minutes and because I did a strength workout on my legs my inner thighs are a little sore but no pain no gain right? Okay until we meet again see ya!

New Weightloss challenge for june

2005-05-19T23:01:00.000-04:00

Okay so i went to NP.com and there is a new challenge so I'm taking the plunge and by June 18th I want to lose 10 lbs. That would take me down to 246lbs. Saturday marks the last day of my past 90 challenge I took back in Feb to lose 25 lbs by may 21st. Well I was 10 lbs shy of losing it. I had to put my scale up because I was jumping on it everyday it almost became complusive so it's back to Saturdays only. I'm a little perplexed as to why it took me 3 months to lose 15 lbs My weight should've been coming off faster than that, but since it's not i have taken to journaling my food which I absolutely hate doing but since I know it will pinpoint the difficulty I'm gonna stick to it. It's on fitday.com and today I ate 1594 cals today. I didn't want to go over 1800 because that is my gage for my weight. So I figure if I can stay at this rate for the next 4 weeks i can reach my 10 lb goal shoot I'm hoping to go over it. I have to get a kick in the rear about exercise.....I've been consistent in calisthenics (crunches, side bends, squats, push ups) but I haven't been as consistent with aerobics or atleast I don't feel like it. I've been running 1.6 miles in the mornings but I missed my run today. When I weigh in this saturday i will post results. I pray that I have lost some weight. I am so tired of fluctuating around 256-254 I pray I stay consistent in weighin. Pray me luck guys.

Time for a new blog.

2005-05-11T17:52:00.000-04:00

I was wondering are we supposed to write in this thing daily? Because if so I am soooo off LOL. I am gaining some perspective on all of this and balancing out my spiritual life and making time to workout is a challenge but it has to be done.

I have found myself going through a vicious cycle that I feel if I blog about it I will have to face it and make a change. My weekend eating is absolutely TERRIBLE. Sunday after church is the day that it all goes downhill!! We have these big sunday dinners and even with me cooking healthy I still end up overeating what is the deal? I'm usually not a breakfast person so on Sunday mornings I don't eat breakfast and if I do it's a fruit, oats, flaxseeds, and maybe yogurt or milk mixed in smoothie. I try to conserve my calories. But when I get home and start cooking I'm taste testing, I'm pinching here and there, and I eat and sometimes I do really good but sometimes....Like this past mothers day, I was very very BAD. I made an 8 x 8 Pan of bannana pudding and my husband bought a cake and no one wanted bannan pudding so guess who ate it all? "raising a guilty hand"
Then starting monday I am in the process of consecration and although I don't mention this to many this is my personal blog and I know that I need to talk about this. Well with the consecration I don't eat anything until after I get off of work plus I'm broke until payday(tire incident is the cause) so it works out alright. Except for one thing. I workout on my lunch. Well I don't have any fuel to workout on so by the time I get home it's over for the food, it's demolishing time.
I know that fasting leads to bingeing I'm not stupid or ignorant to this fact but my fasting is not about depriving myself of food it is really about spiritual enlightenment and hearing the Voice of God and seeking his face. So I'm stuck with a dilema.
I incidentally have my scale in the restroom so ofcourse everytime I go to pee I jump on it and I have been fluctuating between 256-258 back and forth it depends on what time of day that I get on. Well this cycle has to come to an end. I am becoming so burnt out that I have no energy to excerise when I get home. I'm not lazy or anything, Lord knows with 2 kids and a husband always asking for stuff I never have time to be a couch potato LOL. Plus I am active in alot of church activites, have a son in tee ball and my daughter is a girl scout. Sounds like I should be about 110 lbs right HAHAHA yeah right!
Anyhoo While working out I came up with this wonderful Idea.......because I am trying to run for my life to be healthier and I've gotten the basics down of cooking healthier and eating healthier and I'm striving to spend my mornings all up in Jesus's face stank breaf and all I might as well start working out early in the morning. I always read about and hear about the wonderful early morning jog that skinny and fit people do and I actually tried it once for about 2 or 3 months about 3 years ago and then just quit because of my work schedule and Quincy's work shedule and leaving the kids home alone and all. But NOW Quincy doesn't leave to go to work until 7:00 am because he is working at a new job aha!! I can get up at 6:00pm and instead of rolling around and whining cause God woke me up that early to pray and instead of snoring during my morning prayer I can hit the pavement and pray and meditate on the goodness of God all at the same time!!! Wooohoooo sounds like a winner to me. I think I'm on to something....Ok OK I can't take all the credit for this the Holy Ghost told this to me when I was coming back to work from a lunch workout and I took all the credit for this wonderful idea LOL. Sorry Holy Ghost I know I will not do it again *smh* LOL. Okay so now that I'm coming to a head with what I want to do about combining physical fitness and my spirituality, How do I control this stupid dangon overeating!!! I guess I need to go back to my Good Book, My instruction for living book the Good ole' Bible to find out about it. I was in 3FC forum and there was a woman names funniegirl that gave excellent insight on how to stay not only motivated but determined to get this weight off.
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56850

Create a plan and execute. Eating is 60% of the battle of the bulge so I'm trying to concentrate on eating better. Heck exercise is not the problem.

Goals

2005-05-06T00:48:00.000-04:00

I think the first thing that i want to do once I get maybe abot 20lbs down is buy a REAL work out joggin suit. I mean like a girlie workout attire a cute top and bottom warm up suit cotton or something to that effect. I always where my big boy clothes to work out in. I have 2 and 3x shirts and jogging pants or jogging shorts. no matching sets or anything. As a matter of fact I put on a brand new 2x t shirt to work out in and I have a little bit of room yayy for me Thank you Jesus! I measured my waist and unbelievably my waist is down to 43 inches can you believe it?? That may actually be alot to most of you normal people but for me it took atleast 2 months just to get down to 44 inches and passing that mark is awesome!! See when I started this journey mt waist was 51 inches, and I teeter tottered down to 47-48 inches for a long while then when I made it to 46 inches I was on top of the world because I went down in clothing sizes and was feeling so much better. WEll i made it down to 45 inches and stayed there FOREVER and my goal was a 44 inch waist and when I made that mark I was sooooo happy. Then I'd read about folks waists being like 29-35 inches and that goal just seemed so unattainable to me but I am slowly but surely making my way there. I think when my waist gets down to about 40-39 inches I will go out and buy that two piece girlie slightly form fitting workout jogging suit or warm up suit or whatever you call it.

I was able to fit into a pair of queen sized pantyhose the other day and thought I would faint LOL I know it's crazy and yes once again that is not a small size but so what? I was having to get just my size pantyhose in 3x and 4 x or lane byrant, or ashley stewart panythose paying all that extra money for something that should never be a strain financially to get. Don't get me wrong as a big woman I have always thought I was the BOMB there was never any self hate----there was denial but never self hate. So shopping in the bigboneded women stores was never a shame for me cause I got some outfits that were too cute. I know how to work my size no matter what it may be and still be gorgeous, Thank ya Lord ;)

But these little insignificant things to most people mean so much to me really they are milestones. i came across a wonderful site and joined the forum it's called http://www.3fatchicks.com the people there are so supportive and the articles thatthey have are so helpful i recommend this site to anyone that is serious about losing the poundage. Well I must be leaving for now but until then stayed stuned good people and thank you for sharing a part of my life with me.

He's a wonder in my soul!!!

2005-05-02T14:44:00.000-04:00

I tell yall today within the last 3 hours have been a wonderous occasion I was up at one second and so so the next then i look up and there's an opportunity for me to give God some Glory.

Okay so I had to go to my son's school to sign some paperwork for him to go to kindergarten so that meant that I couldn't go to the gym and workout for lunch. But ta daa there is a walking trail close to my son's school that is about a mile Long so I figure hey why not jump on the trail and test myself. I can run on a treadmill for 30 minutes but I used to not be able to run for 4 minutes none the less 1 mile on the ground. Why is that so . I grab trhe duffel bag and head off to the restroom in the walking park and change just as if I'm going to the gym. Lace up my shoes and hide my bag over in the corner of the stall and attempt to run one mile. I kept telling myself " girl please, you can run 2 miles on the treadmill so what's gonna stop you here?"
I continue to run.....there are hills and small valleys and I notice that the trails are not straight and flat but some curve and bend. Then I realize that as I run my breathing gets uneven and I'm huffing and puffing. Then I hear this little voice(holy ghost) telling me, " Unnt unnn you have to pace yourself, slow down and relax your body this is not a race and you have built plenty endurance so you run easy" So i get my rhythm down.
Then I continue to run and I stop looking at the little meter markers on the ground and how far I have to go and I take a look around me as I run/jog (I call it jogging because I am Sooooooo Slow LOL)
Then as I run That same little voice on the inside of me saying, " You go girl Nikki is a DAWG you are running this turf like you own it. You can make it your almost there, There you go work it girl!!!!" And the next thing you know I have made it around the trail. Hallelujah Woohoooooo Yay for Nikki!!!!! I was rejoicing so much so that I was walking lifting my hands almost out of breath Praising Jesus Jumping up and down and saying thank you Lord.

I check my watch, My goodwill running watch that would normally cost $50. + dollars that I purchased for $3.00 and I have ran 1 mile in 11:42 Hallelujah. This goes down in the record books sisters and Brothers I have did 1 complete mile running in 11:42 minutes God is great!!!

So i rush to the restroom change clothes hop in my car and take off for my sons school. I get there and it's nap time so I'm tiptoeing around and I sign the paper work. Check my watch and Oh Lord I'm coming back late from lunch and for some odd reason my car is shaking something terrible then I pull up to the stop light and pray for it to change because I want to get back to work on time and POOOOOPPPPP!!!! my tire bursts right there, atleast 1/2 mile away from my job.

What's crazy is I don't even freak out. I look up and catacorner to me is a marathon gas station with a autoshop in it. I thank the Lord and roll my busted tired baby on into the parking lot. Thank God I didn't have to sit in the middle of the street right. So As I pull over I think, Man am I glad that I saved a little bit of money from last weeks check. But how do I get to the bank to get it. I talk to the technician and explain the incident and ask how much will it cost to replace the tire. I called my boss and told him the situation and told him I'd just walk up to the job since it wasn't far at all. As I'm walking it's cold outside but I have this little song in my heart and as the cars are whipping by me and the cold wind is blowing in my face I just began to sing:
"This joy that I have, The world didn't give it to me, This joy that I have the world didn't give it to me, This joy that I have no the world didn't give it to me, No the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away, This peace that I have..........." So as I'm singing I get back to the job.

I get to the Job and I'm wondering who I can ask to take me to the Bank to get my money out to the pay the technician. I find a boss to take me and we conversate on the way there talking about the kids and all and I'm just so thankful that God gave me the strength and put me in the right spot ya know? So I go to the bank and the lines aren't that Long and I thank God because my boss is on his lunch break and he didn't have to take me and the last thing I wanted to do was take up his time. Well I get in and out of the bank in a hurry and we get back to the gas station and as I am standing there in the lobby waiting to talk to the guy about my tire, this lady walks in and asks me am I in line and I tell her yes and she tells me she's waiting too then she starts talking to me, I mean like really telling me somethings that are going on in her life how she just lost her job, just got a divorce, she feels like she is ready to give up and The Holy Spirit that is within me nudges me to say something. In my flesh I didn't want to really comment on it because I didn't want to say anything to offend so I let the hly Spirit within me do the talking. And I noticed that really all she wanted was someone to just listen to her. So I listened. Then I told her that the Lord will sometimes shut one door to open another one for her and the technician comes out and takes my keys. As she walks away something within me tells me to stop her. And so I stopped her and asked her since she has moved to Cincinnati has she found a church home and she says yeah she's found one but she's really not into this church it's something that rubs her the wrong way about this church. I told her well I have been called to be an intercessor and the Holy ghost is trying to do some things with you so if you don't mind can I give you my number or atleast have you come visit my church sometime and no matter what we'll pray about these things. she stopped dead in her tracks and almost started crying and said here you take my number and please call me cause I need alot of prayer.

Yall i could've done a backflip at that moment right there because in all of my tests that happened today I could've shook that woman off and treated her like her problems were just that.....her problems but you see in the Body of Christ we are all members fitly joined together in which the head is Christ. We NEED each other to survived the bible says to let the strong bear the infirmities of the weak and I believe that God will bless that women for reaching out and I know that he will bless me for being obedient. So when I got back to work I was on cloud 9 I went to the break room to pop my popcorn and just started praising the Lord and I started praying for that woman in the breakroom I didn't care who would've walked in on me neither. I'm still on a spiritual high that I have gained a sister to pray for and I ran 1 mile. I eman does it get any better than this?

The month is closing out

2005-04-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

The month is closing out and I have been drinking water like a fish!!. I expect to grow gills someday soon here LOL. I have always made it a policy to drink half of my body weight in ounces per day and with the weight that I was at, honey that was ALOT of ounces. But seemingly todays water intake quota has almost been fulfilled and it's not even 11:30 am yet. What's up with that? I've been peeing like a race horse but I'm craving water like it's going out of style. I know, I know, this is a very good thing but it's also a little irritating. I don't want to overhydrate myself today so hopefully I can space out this last 32 ounces of water that I need to drink I mean I'm not even hungry at all. I used to have to choke water down I just wouldn't drink it. Shoot Kool aid, Juice, POP and even milk where better alternatives to me them in my own mind to drink but now water is just about the ONLY beverage that I drink. Well that and tea. Hey I heard some great reviews about green tea so I may try to get a couple of cups of green tea in fot the next few days and see how that works. I'll keep you updates with the results to that.

I feel a blog coming on

2005-04-26T14:39:00.000-04:00

I don't know what's the deal with this but I just felt it was time to blog LOL. time to check in with you wonderful ladies and gents and tell ya what the happs are around here. Actually nothing right now LOL. But I've been doing my 5 day ab workout with the firm and I am feeling the burn all day today. My stomach and sides are really sore but that's good no pain no gain right? I'm not complaining by far at all, I just wanted to let you guys know that it's working.

Oh OH guess what. On my lunch instead of working out I had to drop my hubby's cell phone off to him because he forgot to grab it this morning so on my way there I started examining my fingers, Don't ask me why I just did (LOL) My fingers are deflating and forming wrinkles!!!!! Okay normally a person would cry out about the change of life or something like that but I was praising God because that showed me that all these fat molecules in my hands are shrinking and melting and skin is what gonna be left. I mean I could litterally pinch skin up offa my hand and my wedding band is so big I can put it on my thumb. Unfortunately a couple of years ago while on weight watchers I lost alot of weight and one day my wedding ring up and slipped offa my finger one day while I was driving in my car and I felt so bad about it. I just never got another ring. I have been wearing my band because also The ring was so new that we didn't have insurance on it. Well this time I know to get the ring sized. AS embarrassing as it is to say I was wearing a comfy sioze 10 in rings, I think I may be now down to a 9 the way this band is trying to slip off of my fingers. I've always had skinny'ET phone home' fingers and when I started gaining weight even for my hands to get fatter they were never chubby fingers or pudgy paws or anything just big ole hands LOL. I'm so glad they've come down a bit.

Oh yeah AND I can tell my neck is going down. I have the stretch rings showing up how awesome is that? My husband told me this a long time ago and I never paid him any attention but he said you can tell a person has lost weight by looking at their neck and if they have those rings you know that they have lost some weight. Well I guess he is right because this neck is coming down BABY!! LOL
Most of these issues that I talk about folk would seriously be embarrased but me OH NOOO honey I delight and joy in these things because I know they mean change. Spiritually and naturally.

Keep God first and everything will flow perfectly behind you

New small victories

2005-04-25T12:24:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah I forgot to put this in the other post but I am getting so much stronger. I can now do 10 full body pushups without buckling LOL. Not girl pushups, Not wall pushups, But REAL full body, legs straight , lower your chest to the ground, no booty in the air pushups!!!! I'm so happy about this yall I tell ya!! Oh yeah and guess what else? I can fit a normal sized bathtowel around me with only a little gap in it!!!!! This is awesome yall, And I can wear a belt. Is it not awesome?!?! I know that these may be small insignificant things to you all but that is a MAJOR accomplishment to me because I have had to do without because of greed for so long it's just wonderful to see these things. Praise God for discipline and guidance in all of this!!! Hey I even fell a little better than the last post. I may come back and tell you guys about the workout HAHAHA. I dunno how many posts can you blog in one day?

at work

2005-04-25T03:22:00.000-04:00

For some odd reason I am soooooo tired today. I dunno maybe my energy will be back up after I workout on lunch. And I also had stomach cramps then went to the restroom and had a good bowl movement that eased the pain. I had to take a break for about 6-7 minutes and get some fresh air. I dunno what's up with my body today. I had a snack of a banana and a small box of raisins this morning but then that was when I had my bowel movement. Anyhoo after I work out I will be eating a home made salad with some wheat thins (my staple crackers. I will fight you over my wheat thins and wheatables LOL. They are the perfect little snack. I found out about them over 2 years ago when I was doing weight watchers, they were low in points and tasted sooooo good I liked them instantly! Well I'm heading over to the gym and then I will feast on my salad and crackers yummy when I get back.

Eating sensibly

2005-04-24T16:19:00.000-04:00

I am so proud of myself. I ate a meal today after church and I couldn't even get halfway through my plate because I was full by the time i ate about 1/3 of my food!!!! Praise God for showing me discipline in my eating I didn't overeat and that's what matters.

255.5 lbs woohoo

2005-04-23T23:16:00.000-04:00

Okay well it's a little bit of a faux pas woohoo. There is a reason why my wieght is down that is directed only by the holy spirit. But I pray that when my eating habits are back to normal, I can control it. I have great expectations on what God has for my life and I am going through a transformation spiritually and naturally so I receive all of Gods instructions for me in that light.

I have received so much from this conference that we have been holding that I could feast on that spiritual food for a few months LOL. But naturally I know that my main objective in this weightloss journey is to eat only when hungry and stop when full. Our bodies are like A gas tank, food is the fuel. You wouldn't put more fuel in an already full tank would you? Well it's the same with food. Why eat if your not hungry? Because it looks good? Because it smells good? Because everyone else is doing it? Those were my main reasons. Well God had to show me different. Food is fuel, not a cushion, Not a person with arms to hold you when you are down, Not an idol to worship, it is plainly put....FUEL. I have chosen to eat healthier options of food just because it effects my body differently to eat healthy instead of eating fast food, greasy fried foods, and heavy processed foods. You see, healthy foods make my skin glow and my hair grow and a better body image, greasy foods cause breakouts, oily skin and crunchy hair(well atleast for me it does LOL).

That is basically my choice though. As long as you can eat when hungry and stop when truly full(and it doesn't take much to get full) you can eat whatever you want. To get more information on this you should check out Gwen Shamblin's book called Rise Above. GOd CAN help you to lose weight and keep it off forever. WW is also a great tool to use as well.

Dedication to the Father, losing this weight 04/22/05

2005-04-22T10:47:00.000-04:00

Okay so today we are having the 2nd day of a 4 day conference at my church. I am on the praise and worship team of my church and so I will be singing all four days but there seems so to be a teeny problem...........I have no voice!! I've been nursing my throat to health and I knew this before the actual conference began. The preaching that came forth last night was so filling it was about Hope in Unity. I recieved a deposit from it, it was talking about unity in the church and how in the beginning Paul set the Corinthian church in place and taught and discpiled the people there for about 1 1/2 years, but as he left on his journey all ruckus broke lose and there was all kinds of discord within the corinthian church and a word got back to paul about the discord that was going on in the church and paul wrote a letter to the Corinthian church inquiring of the situation and setting some things straight ergo the books of the bible 1 Corinthians, and 2 Corinthians. Paul came about starting the Corinthian church in acts 18:1-11 when the jews would not listen to his preaching and he turned to the gentiles because they believed in the Lord. Anyhoo. Then the preacher went on to speak about how Jesus was prophesied in the book of Isaiah 42:3 and Matthew 12:20 to not throw out a bruised reed or dispense of a wick that has been snuffed out. And even today Jesus will not throw us out to the dogs but he is faithful to forgive our bruised broken , and burnt our lives. People in the body of Christ can easily put up a front like everything is honky dory but sometimes it's not and that's just real but if we were to wallow in our own sorrow we would never make it. That is why when you see us praising God and dancing and singing to the Lord during a worship session in service it's not Just because everything is alright and we've got it going on. Some of us HAVE to praise God because we know that he is God and there is nothing that he cannot do, just praising God lifts your spirits. The energy of a multitude of folk praising God and lifting him up in dance, song, or praise is contagious and you can catch that attitude and recognize God for who he is and not only that but you can praise him for what he's done in your life or what he's going to do. It was such an awesome message and i thought I'd share it with you guys.

Now with my weight I have been stuck at 262-265 fluctuating daily and I can't seem to figure out why. I have been eating extremely healthy and I either run or get on the stairmaster daily for 30 minutes. And running is stepping into new territory for me a whole nother level of workout lately.
I run about 2 miles a day m-w-f so I guess I'm doing good. What's so funny is I run better on the treadmill than I ever did on the ground. I couldn't run for more than about 4-5 minutes on the ground but on the treadmill I can run for 30 minutes @ 4.5 LOL. I haven't ran outside since about Febuary though. I just don't get it. I feel stronger though, I can actually do 10 pushups regular style. It is hard but doable. I haven't even gone back to girl pushups in a long while because that's just too easy to me. I want to push myself and get stronger and not create a crutch by doing easy things. It's early friday morning and I've just called off of work because we have the second session of the conference this morning at 9:00am. I really feel that i am going to receive a word from the Lord that is going to change me spiritually as a matter of fact I know this.

I have been trying(well not really) to get back into the mode of early morning worship. For some odd reason I just couldn't get up in the mornings, unless the Holy Ghost was prompting me to wake up out of my sleep and pray or I have a vision in my sleep and there is a struggle with the enemy that would cause me to wake up and pray. Anyhoo I got up this morning and had some serious wonderful worship and while meditating and listening to the Lord he told me that I was going to go through a change spiritually and i have to continue to seek him in the morning and continue to be obedient to my calling which is an intercessor. I received a word from a prophetess over the television one day as well about transformation, this woman litterally called out my name!!!! On television!!!! And honey I don't have no common name. She called out Doneta and said that the Lord had a word for me about transformation. I came across more scriptures that covered this and in sermons I heard the same thing so God's word is confirmed and i'm jus preparing to recieve whatever God has for me because I know that it is for me.
God showed me that it is okay to work out and give my body endurance but he wants my soul mind and body when it comes to my eating habits. I must let him lead me and I am going to recieve deliverance from greed. I have overcome many things through the Lord therefore I KNOW that my Lord can deliver me from overeating. Whew, Okay yall I know I write alot but I just want to share so much of what is going on with me to you all. Have a blessed rest of the day and I'll be back to update you with more Weight loss stuff and more progress because that's all I'm looking for.

I'm seeing something without my own natural eyes and believing in it without my own natural mind, I'm walking in faith. This weight WILL come off.

April 14, 2005 The journey of Shedding the old man

2005-04-20T01:40:00.000-04:00

Okay so this is my first time blogging. I actually never knew what a blog was but I am glad that i have visited other peoples sites because they give me an idea of how to manage my own blog.

I am 26 years old and I currently weigh 260.8 lbs which is down from 305. My ultimate goal is to get down to 150 lbs but my yearly goal is to get down to 205lbs.

I started working out September 2004 seriously after a visit to the doctors office and finding out that I weighed over 300lbs which was shocking. Anyways I went to the doctors office because one particular day i woke up and my vision was blurry and my body just didn't feel right. I hgad blood tests taken and later found out that I was in the baby stages of diabetes, and my iron levels were anemic (i alredy knew that), and that i have disease called Hypothyroidism.

As soon as the verdict was given I was no longer in the doctors office my mind was far far away. i flashed back to my grandma. She was a diabetic and she passed when I was 15 from complications from diabetes. I thought about her having to stick herself with a needle every day trying to find a soft spot on her stomach, arms or legs to stick the needle in to get insulin into her bloodstream, I thought about her taking so many pills that she had a pill organizer. I thought about her vision going south and having cataracts, and I thought about her having to go to dialysis, getting her leg amputated, and have sugar attack episodes. You see i grew up with my grandma.......she raised me, and as a child i never paid attention to all that she had to do to maintain but right in that moment that the news was delivered, I flashed into that memory and I made up in my mind with My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as a witness that i would never allow my own body to be put through that and if I had anything to say about this I was gonna beat this.
Well my doctor explained to me that because the diabetes was in the baby stages there was a chance that I could beat this. All I had to do was lose weight!!! ADUHHHHHHH.
I have been on many weightloss programs and many many diets, heck I even did WW but every single time i got serious about my weightloss something tragic would happen to me to cause me to turn to my emotional best friend......FOOD. Well I made up in my mind to beat this thing and I've been going strong ever since.

I went back to the doctor in December to have more blood tests taken weighing in at 284 lbs and all traces of the diabetes was GONE. Thank you JESUS!! Hallelujah! My iron levels were brought back to normal but when it is time for the monthly visit I do have to take my medication to keep my iron levels up because I lose so much blood. Sorry, TMI I know but it's real. Unfortunately the Hypothyroidism is still evident and the doctor says that it is a disease that doesn't go away. Hopefully with God's help we can prove them wrong on this one but regardless this is my story and this weightloss is coming off in Jesus Name!!

Over the past 3-4 years my weight has teeter totter between 260-280 but never had it gotten up to 305lbs...so this was a shocker for me. I usually get to 260 in my weightloss struggle and then get stuck right there and another tragedy happens to throw me off track. Thankfully I have been able to seek God on guidance and discipline in my struggles and I have overcome most of my emotional eating habits. The enemy is defeated in that endeavor and believe me honey I have had some hectic stuff come my way LOL. okay well now that you all know about me I think it's time to turn in or either find out how to play around with this blogger LOL.