I'm Still alive I promise

For those of you that used to read me and hopefully still keep up with me on my OD entries (as that's where I've been posting as of late) God bless you. Star (Claritta) I know you stopped by to check on me a couple of times as did Sabs and neddie (love ya sis!).

The verdict is in. I have gained weight. Amazingly not from August my last entry, but the weight gain started in Feb 2007. I got a new job, a very very stressful new job and began the eating out everyday syndrome because I was too tired to cook, too tired to clean, too tired to workout. I mean seriously this job has taken it's toll on me mentally and physically as it is WAYYYYY more physical than my last job. Also I am the ONLY IT support for 3 plants in America which adds to the new job stresses. On top of the fact that I have hypothyroid and my iron levels spiked during that time period I managed to gain 30 lbs in 2.5 months. YIKES!

Well I am here to report that I am doing a little better. I am beginning to get a rhythm for the job and I am enforcing getting my workouts back in. Well not really workouts but mostly running. My kids joined the community track team and I took them to a practice and got a lil jealous at WATCHING everyone either run or get their walk on. So I went home and laced up and came back to the track and it's been all she wrote from there lol. I have to baby step my way back into the running game. Back in Jan. My LSD runs totaled about 6.1 miles for a PR of 01:22:29:39. Now I'm averaging 1-2.5 miles per run/walk. I've been drinking more water. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed 3 months with NO water. And that is the God's honest truth I drunk absolutely NO water and I NEVER ate home cooked meals. WOW.

Well I started back doing things a little healthier About 2 weeks ago and I'm down 2.7 lbs. I'll post my sticker up for losing this recent 30 lb gain and then continue on the mission. If there's one thing I can do it's set a goal and accomplish it. It may take days, months, and years but once I set my mind to something I always accomplish it.

I'm in the process of having my heart shown to me spiritually and I've uncovered some really interesting things. But I have more info on that in my OD diary http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D583986 (check me out whenever you get a chance). But one thing that God is really working with me on right now is using my kingdom authority over the issues in the earth. When I eat I pray against the spirit of gluttony and greed and self control and I'm doing okay but I need to enforce it more. I'm not on a special eating plan right now. I'm more or less eating vegetarian (except eggs and seafood), Lactose intolerant so I go nowhere near milk or dairy products, drinking more water as opposed to NONE, and moving more.

Life is more important than food

In my times of temptation the Lord has begun to have me chant this to myself in faith.

Matthew 6:25 (Whole Chapter)
[ Do Not Worry ] "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. 'Is not life more important than food', and the body more important than clothes?

So that I might beat this flesh into submission. I refuse to be a food freak , and worrying about every minute every second of the day how I'm going to eat this and that. My days of food porn are over. For those of you that have been in the struggle of trying to lose weight or become healthier you know what I mean. For those of you that don't know what food porn is let me give you a small brief description.

Food Porn - The constant reference to delicacies that tingle the senses to lust after although it may not be good in nourishment for the body. Obssessing over these foods, can cause catastrophic impact. Resulting in Binges, expansion of body fat, hypertension, cholesterol, blood pressure, and water retention in the body. Dangerous for health and incriminating to the mind.


Well I am getting past that Food porn in the name of Jesus. And the when the temptation comes to eat something that I don't need that scripture always comes to me. Is not life more important than food? I'm not going to worry about what I'm going to eat or when I'm going to eat. If you read farther down in the scriptures on this particular one that i have above it says that there is no need to worry about what we should eat, or drink, or what we should wear because our father which is in heaven will provide for all of our needs. If he looks out for the grass in the fields and clothes them and feeds the sparrows of the air when they have no resting place so why should he not provide for us?

I live in a country that is overflowing with delicacies that some underprivileged or undernourished countries don't have access to.

The simple pleasure of soda pop, or oatmeal cream pies, or even Mcdonald's, Wendy's, Diary Queen, or the wonderful KFC. These are seriously signs of wealth in our nation that we as Americans have come to abuse. No longer do we use these places as treats or rewards to whatever accomplishments we have they have become a part of everyday life. And as a part of everyday life they turn us into gluttons. Making our stomach's our god's instead of the one true GOD that can provide for us. I read this in the bible too (it's funny how people discredit the bible for so much but the bible touches every single subject and situation known to man with a solution, including overeating and obesity.) The reference to our stomachs beijng made into idol god's is under

Phillipians 3:19 :
Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

These are a couple of scriptures that God has given me over the past 2 years concerning my weightloss and there are more. They are beginning to illuminate to me while in the midst of this consecration. I thank God for just being able to understand these scriptures and apply them to my own life. And show them to others so that they can understand them too. Learning my hunger and full signals and realizing that food and drink quite simply is just fuel. Fuel to keep our organs working and healthy. Thought I'd relay the message to you all as well. Hopefully it is food for thought.

Self Sabotage 08/04/06

As I reflect on this weight loss journey and as God gives me introspect on my life during this consecration I am beginning to understand the root of my self sabotage. I have stated many times in other forums and in my blogs I have become slave and victim to self sabotage. I can even recognize it WHILE it’s in operation. Now let me explain this to you. What I mean is I will be a part of a regimen that either I have put in place or just following along with a program that yields the best results for me ex: Weight Watchers, or the Weigh Down Diet. Once I get to a new low I feel great, but then I began to eat the weight back on. And I maintain. My Body is wonderful at maintaining. And naturally maintaining at that. I kept wondering why why why do I do this to myself?

Today I was going to the restroom and to the water cooler to refill my 32 oz water bottle and I was praying and communing. And I wanted to make sure in my mind that this fast that I am partaking in is not a fast to lose weight but a fast in humbling myself before the Lord and allowing my own will to be burnt upon the altar of sacrifice and allowing myself to be molded and made into the pattern that God wants me to be made into. This whole thing is a self humbling and transformation experience for me. But I know that with all of this will come weight loss. And I’ve already determined that weight loss is not the goal it’s about spiritual enrichment and learning about my purpose and self discipline. I don’t know how long this consecration will last but God is showing me that it’s going to be longer than I think.

And I thought about the lowest weight that I’ve been at since I have been trying to lose weight. Which has been 237 lbs. I was holding steady at 242 and I lost a considerable amount of weight. An amount that I could be proud of and see progress in. But instantly I ate all the weight back on plus some more and maintained at that weight. So my thing was now I know that I will lose weight so I’m already planning out how I will fast which will include juicing towards the end of the fast to prepare me to began eating solid raw proportionate foods. And I think where does this self sabotage come from?

And I figured it out! It sounds stupid but I don’t think my body likes feeling lighter. Like I’ve gotten used to the amount that I’ve already lost but when I hit the 230’s my body begins to feel significantly lighter. And I think in my mind it makes me subconsciously tell my mind that I am weak. And I don’t like feeling weak. As I thought about this my pondering led to this, “Well if I’m feeling weak at 230 something good Lord what am I going to do when I get to my goal weight of 150lbs?!?!” But now that I recognize that self sabotage talk I know that feeling lighter does not mean being weaker! I can gain strength and get used to feeling lighter but I have to catch the self sabotage before it gets me to give in. Well I am going to go on and when I get past the 230’s I am determined to keep going. Well thanks for lending me your ear. On to the consecration.

RECAP July 06, 2004 Explaining July 4th

4th of July
Thursday, July 06, 2006

July fourth was really nice. The kids spent the night at one of our brothers at church's house with his kids so we had the house to ourselves. We got up in the morning to do some window shopping for my DH's ordination this Saturday. He will become a deacon. I will become a deacon's wife. cool. I'm really excited about it. We have a conference that we are hosting right now so as usual I won't be writing much until it most likely is over. ( I apologize to those that I couldn't tell of the ordination for my DH because we were given short notice and alot of you guys are already going through you own things to be worrying about us. We know that we have your well wishes in mind)

Well we went to window shop for our outfits then we went and picked up the kids which weren't even dress at 1:00pm lol they were running around playing. SO after they got dressed we went up to my Uncles house because he was hosting the bbq. Coming off of the highway someone rear ended us. But there was no damage to our car the driver at fault's bumper was messed up though. Well I called the police and he said because no one was hurt and we exchanged ins. info they didn't need to come out. MY bootleg ins. company was closed so I filed my claim yesterday. When the car hit us they hit us pretty hard and we were all cool that day but lately my neck and back have been kinda tight and so has dh's.

****edited for updates********
Anyhoo we ate good over my uncles house and watched Madea goes to jail which was hilarious. Sat around for a little while until everyone started getting drunk. I can't stand to watch people act stupid so we left and went to a friends house and I let the kids go swimming with her kids while Dh and her Dh played some pool and playstation. It was a very relaxing and needed day.
Quick update on the car accident. Saturday evening I went to the hospital because of pain in my back it was unbearable. I went into emergency and got checked out and the doctor says he thinks my muscles are just bruised from the impact of the wreck so he gave me a prescription for some muscle relaxers and some pain killers to help with the discomfort. They told me to put warm compress on my back for about 30 minutes a day. If I still have problems follow up with my doctor. Well I though today would be better but I think the medicine that i took from yesterday has just now worn off because I am having slight pains again. I hope this goes away I don't want to have any back problems. Oh well I'm putting it in Jesus Hands.

Recap ALL is well on June 07, 2006

all is well
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Hey Guys,

All is as well as can be expected. I'm doing fine I''ve just been unable to get on due to work constraints and training folks ans since I have no service at home the only time I can login and do anything is in spare time and by then I really don't have time or energy to write an entry. But please no I do login from time to time read you guys and check my notes.


Weight is so so. I got down to 237 then after memorial day yoyoed right back up to 245 so is as I'm stuck right now. We're down to one car and gas is too much to go to the gym, AND pick everyone up from work, drop off and do extracurriculart activities like cheerleading, baseball and no. 1 priority church. I'm pooped by the end of the day lately. Good news is I can now get into the 16's that was my goal for the summer. Amazingly how I can get into them when I've gained weight is beyond me but to God be the glory!

Marriage is marriage you know how when you pray you ask God to show you yourself? well I did that and God is making and molding me and I am starting to break through a real ugly side of myself through GOd and God alone. IT's not an easy feat at all as a matter of fact it is the hardest thing I've ever done seriously.
Okay gotta go back and train I'll update later. THERE IS MORE.......

Okay I'm back. I am going through transformation because I see that I can't go any farther until I deal with this issue. It is effecting my relationship and it has to be rooted in order for me to be effective in my ministry. As I said before it;s a very hard and humbling process so I'm gonna stay like a little baby and have the holy spirit guide me through this cause there is no way I can do it by myself. i thank my 1st lady so much for allowing me to talk to her. I didn't want to share it with her at first out of fear but I'm glad I finally did because it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders just talking about it and getting it out. something simple that I was inadvertantly doing to shut people down. now in the process of healing and breaking through this stronghold I am exposing it so that it will not be so toxic to me. It's not comfortable at all but I thank God for baby steps lol. Yall keep me lifted as I will definitely do the same for you.

I really need to get back into the gym and get it together but like I said financial situations sharing one car will put that on hold for a minute so I'm going to do what God tells me to do and get back on track that way. The kids are doing good healthy as little oxes lol. my job is downsizing due to outsourcing but my position is still in tact....for now anyways and I see that I need to get on top of getting my technical certs to build up my resume just incase so as you can imagine things have been crazy around here. I have an A+ certification retest that I will be taking this friday so yall definitely keep me in your prayers.

Updates on my laziness to post in here

I sincerely apologize to you all that have read me and keep on my about posting. I have another Blog that I have been posting more so about spiritual progress moreso than weight or hair. I haven't been as obssessed with all of that lately but I haven't given up or anything. There was a slight gain but it's coming down. I will post some of my blogs from the other site that I blog at to give you a feel for how my weightloss has been coming so beware there will be alot to catch up on lol. But know that you support is really appreciated and I will try to better stay on top of things.

God Bless Yall
Love ya!
MrsDawsondn

I can finally post YAYYYYY!!!

Wow I missed you guys something terrible.

I have been doing pretty good as far as weightloss I am a little intimidated to get back on the scale because it sorely dissapoints me but I have been getting weightloss compliments and my clothes are fitting looser so that's a plus. I have been consistent with working out and my eating is okay so I can't complain. I have basically put my life and carnal desires to the side lately and walking closer with the Lord and I am benefitting greatly from it.

My Dh FINALLY got hired on at the job that he was temping at for a year uuuggghh. My kids are doing good in school and Little Quincy is playing baseball lexy is in tumbling and dance classes until cheerleading starts back up. I wanna keep them active and making friends and getting a chance to be kids for as long as I can. Trying to allow them to hold on to their youth before they get the urge to wanna smell themselves and as you all know it's a new day and age and these kids are smelling themselves at a very much younger age so I just want them to stay kids while they have a chance.

I'm slowly working on getting my bills current and getting the collections stuff paid off as well as showing excellent stewardship in my life no matter what the circumstance thank you Jesus! I prayed for Financial discipline in the beginning of the year and it is coming to pass And I am believing God to help me to lose the final 40 lbs this year to make to a 100 lb loss mark by the end of this year. The clean freak 'thing' is still a work in progress. I'm getting there ppl lol. I'm glad I finally got a chance to check up and read you guys because I love yall and be prayin for yall.


And just a quick update of what I've saved as my screensaver on my computer to put a smile on my face :



Don't they just look so adorable and sweet? lol

03/31/06

Hey Guys I’m still here I am doing great!! I feel good and I'm blessed to be saved my the blood of Jesus and have a relationship with the lover of my soul. God is so awesome. I am currently in the middle of a 40 day consecration and God is showing me and teaching me so many things and I can hear him clearly I love that aspect of fasting.

My only downfall is the eating I'm used to being on a schedule and I'm now eating after a certain time of day and it's killing me I have gained like 2 or 3 lbs I'm at 247 right now but I'm still working out and getting a handle on my eating and I'm doing much better than last week's epsiodes LOL. I'm on the low end of size 18 clothes and it's just amazing to me how much the price drops and how many pieces of clothing you can find for a decent price. Yesterday I went to walmart and found a bra in a 38D for $5.88 I mean I cannot recall the last time I spent under 12.00 for a bra! I got happy about that one. I was praising the Lord LOL. I went from a 42DD to a 38D so I'm happy. My waist so far has went from 51 inches to 38 inches so praise the Lord!!!

I'm just praising God and sitting at his feet for whatever he has instore for me. I have realized finally what it is that God has called me to and I'm going about learning about that. I knew he called me back in July and it was confirmed in October but I didn't want to accept the reality of what ministry it was that he called me to. But I have seen it manifest and I now know I have to walk in it because I'm accountable to it now. So for the time being I'm just focusing on that.
Thanks for stopping by *waving*

Oh how I really missededed you guys!!!

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to let you all know that I am excellent. There is nothing wrong I am just terrible with updating as I stated before please be patient with me lol.

Lately within my life I am going through some transistions spiritually and therefore it’s causing a lot of my personal appetites (namely internet) to be put on the back burner. I am still working out and getting stronger. I am still wearing my hair naturally and though I have been having some standstill and downright frustrating moments with it, I’m still keeping it nappy J.

As far as the kids, Lexy is now taking some tumbling classes for her cheerleading and boy oh boy is that a sight to see. That girl tickles me pink with her cute self lol. She is doing great in school we were having some rough spots with the attitudes in class but that was concerning her little friends that don’t wanna be friends but then they do wanna be friends and blah blah blah lol (oh to be an elementary kid again). Lexy is increasingly gaining interest in prayer. When we have intercessory prayer in church and also when I pray at home she is very interested in the prayers and so I’m praying to see whether God wants me to begin teaching her anything about that yet. She’s been called to be a prayer warrior, God revealed that to me a couple of years ago but I know that she will know when he wants her to know.

Little Quincy is preparing for baseball season and excelling like crazy in his classes. I may possibly have him tested to move up a grade next year once I see how he copes with 1st grade because his reading and math levels are at a 2nd grade level and he is in Kindergarten!! He and Lexy have their own kiddie Bibles and he is reading his everyday and just learning those big words with no problems. Even in my Sunday school class that I teach he is now in my class because he turned six and he is keeping up if not excelling others in the reading portions which I thank God for. He has an incredible thirst for knowledge so I’m praying for God to keep that in his life.

Big Quincy is growing by leaps and bounds I love my baby (that’s my big baby). He is going through some trials with his job but he already recognizes what that is spiritually so he’s not taking it personally at all. We know that we are growing spiritually and for every level of faith that we reach there will be some obstacles to overcome whether it be battling with our flesh or problems that have presented as temptations by the devil that are trying to cause us to sin it is already defeated in the name of Jesus.

Me…well I have been doing pretty good…excellent as a matter of fact. My weight is going through it’s plateau stage again but now that I’ve found the complete root of my problem I’m working to fix that. I’m still working out and running my butt off literally it’s just the eating part that I’ve completely botched lately. I am now going back to drinking my water and I am eating more veggies. I had stopped doing that consistently all through the month of February and stayed at a stand still. My clothing sizes are now to the lower end of a size so woohoo for that. I plan on being in a 16 by the time June rolls around it would be excellent if I could be in a 14 by then but I’m taking my goals one day at a time. Spiritually I am learning to saturate myself in the Word of God because the Lord is my strength and when I have his promises embedded in my heart and soul I simply cannot sin against him. I am learning to live a lifestyle of intercession. One of my sisters in church said that to me one day while we were discussing prayer and that really stuck out to me. Intercession is a lifestyle, just like Holiness is a lifestyle. It’s not just something that I do I want to live it. I realize that making something a habit is a challenge… so making something a lifestyle is even more of a challenge but I feel in order to walk in what God has called me to, I can no longer be selfish. I want to please God in all that I do so that I can reap the benefits of his glory and anointing. I want the favor of the Lord to exist in my life, because when I have the favor of the Lord in my life then there is no obstacles that can block my progress in him. I’ve been whining and having my fits about me, me, me for long enough. It’s time to be what God has called me to be and be effective while doing it. I want to see miracles, signs and wonders from the Lord in this day and age with my own two eyes. A couple of scriptures that I am feasting on as of yet are these:

Romans 12:2
Be not conformed to the ways of this world but rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good and pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 13:14
Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature (flesh).

Over the next 30 days I am in consecration, I’ve already been there for 10 days, but during this time I will be really tuning in and focusing on divine instruction, revelation, and growth for my spirit man so you might or might not see my commenting or visiting some of the websites that I normally visit. I just want you all to know that I still love you and I have not forgotten about any of you. Thank you so much for checking up on me and asking where I have been. That shows me that you really care for me and that I was on your mind. That is a wonderful feeling. I’m keeping all of me readers lifted in prayer and I hope that you all do the same with me.

Well until we meet again or I have more to say God bless you and always remember:

Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred. -W M TAYLOR

Planning my work, and working my plan

Hey Guys,

I'm still here and I'm kicking it strong. This free 8 week pass to Bally's has me seriously contemplating getting a membership and with the results that I am seeing. There are some really good things that I am starting to analyze and appreciate about this particular bally's what I work out at. I usually get up about 4:45AM get dressed pray then head out the door and get to the gym at about 5:30Am after stopping to pick up my aunt. I get there and it's nice to see that usually the same ppl are there in the mornings for the most part the trainers are not pushy in no way shape or form and they don't try to pressure you into getting a membership. There is onsite daycare for when I come out on Saturdays and my kids love the daycare center so much most times they don't wanna leave when I pick them up to leave. That is a VERY good sign in my book. It's in a convenient location and it's actually open before all other gyms are open. everything is pretty much spaced out as opposed to bunched together like some other gyms that I have visited. And the people that workout their are kind of like in a family atmosphere and the locker rooms are really cool you have your own space and don't have to worry about being crowded.

All that being said I have managed to lose 2 inches off of my stomach and I've lost a total of 7.4lbs since the beginning of January, 230's here I come ;).

my face is shrinking and here is an updated photo of me lol.

God bless yall! Take care!